![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
Entry tags:
Suju Fic: "Great Wall" (Siwon/Hankyung/Heechul)
Title: Great Wall
Pairing: Siwon/Hankyung/Heechul
Rating: NC-17
Summary: For![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
guiltyschu for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
help_chile, with MASSIVE apologies for lateness. She requested a fic surrounding this infamous incident. This is a sequel-of-sorts to China In Your Hand. I really hope that you enjoy this and thanks so much again for bidding! Thank you also to peacock for the beta! :)
Warnings: Rude language, rude content, slash, some angst.
Sometimes, I think you want me to touch you
How can I, when you build the great wall around you
In your eyes, I saw the future together
You just look away in the distance.
Tori Amos, China
Afterwards, the dark expanses of the room seem to swallow their breath. Hankyung can just about identify Heechul over Siwon, his faster small breaths and his lazy nail-scratch on whatever skin he can reach. Siwon is louder but deeper and his hands make noise as they move Heechul's nails away.
Hankyung can feel his muscles resisting the post-coital pull of the mattress, his nerves ringing tight with anticipation. About to go against all dating advice and tell them the bad news in bed, he figures he's never going to be sure it's the right time. He's just hoping that the general satiation will distract them both from what he's about to say. Naturally, he's wrong.
Heechul is the first to react, immediately setting his focus on Hankyung's face, as if searching for understanding. His own gaze is inscrutable and, Hankyung thinks, a little frightening for it. Heechul is the one he's most afraid to tell, because Heechul takes losses so badly. The silence drags on and on, before Heechul opens his mouth.
“Is it a termination or an adjustment?” he says, slowly.
Hankyung frowns, recognising too late that it's difficult to talk legalities in Korean. And, well, this is the one tricky situation he's been in where he definitely doesn't want his lawyer present. Heechul turns to Siwon, trying to coax him into translation, but Siwon is deadly silent.
“Okay,” Heechul says. He's pushing his elbow into Siwon's side, to no avail. “Thanks Horse, most helpful. Is it...like, God, okay. Are you playing Poker or are you cashing in your chips?”
Hankyung understands the words but the meaning makes too little sense in context. All he can think about is another hotel room six months ago, Heechul singing can't read my, can't read my, po po po poker face at Siwon and Siwon trying to ignore it. His memory has a habit of showering treats on him this way, usually at unfair and inappropriate moments.
“I,” he says. “I don't-”
“Are you leaving for good,” Siwon says, eventually, in Mandarin. “Or are you negotiating?”
“Oh,” Hankyung says, switching with gratitude to his native language. Heechul's eyes dart between them, taut. “I'm leaving for good,” he finishes, not even trying to take the edge off.
To his credit, Heechul needs no translation. “How soon?” he asks.
Hankyung thinks about this. “I don't know,” he says. “It depends – it depends what SM decide. Whether it becomes a lawsuit or not. Whether...whether they accept it. Maybe next year. I don't know.”
Heechul is working the fabric of the sheet between his fingers. He has that face that reminds Hankyung of a fly trying to unstick itself from paper. As if his thoughts are getting stuck on the surface of his brain. He looks angrier with himself than with Hankyung.
“Will you be doing anything with the band?” he asks. “Or are you going to go home?”
“Probably home,” Hankyung says. “I don't think SM are going to let me continue, not with the scandal it'll cause.”
Siwon is staring at the ceiling, which is worse than what Heechul is doing, trying to wrap his mind around it. Siwon's face is impassive, as though there isn't a thought in his brain that needs taming.
“Siwon,” he says.
“It seems a poor way to go out,” Siwon says. His voice is quiet, low and simplistic. His meaning isn't.
“I've tried,” Hankyung says. “You know that I've tried-”
“Don't,” Heechul says. “Don't start this again. I've had it with this argument. Fuck.”
“Heechul,” Siwon warns.
“Shut up,” Heechul says. “Telling me not to curse? You were fucking me ten minutes ago. I think that-”
“Shut up,” Hankyung says. It pains him to draw them both back to this, away from the soothing bickering, but. The last thing Siwon needs is a discussion of religion right now. He wishes that Heechul had let them continue the fight, finally finish it after all these months.
“It's not,” he says, eventually. “It's not something I can help anymore. I can't do this anymore, Siwon. I can't be this anymore. You know that I wouldn't do this if I had any other option.”
“There's always another option,” Siwon says. He's leaning over, the sheet pulling across Heechul's hands and around Hankyung's waist. Moving the three of them together as Siwon draws away for the light switch.
“Siwon,” Heechul says, quieter and more confused than Hankyung's ever heard his voice.
“We need to be up early,” Siwon says, as he flicks the room into darkness. It couldn't be more obvious from his voice that he's talking to Heechul alone.
***
They're quiet the next morning, the unspoken hanging in the air. They know that Hankyung has to go to the Head Office and the air stifles them all as he gets ready to do it. Unaware, doors and doors down, the other members are showering and eating breakfast and not even thinking about the day.
Siwon watches the morning news without speaking to either of them. Hankyung showers as Heechul brushes his teeth and he takes the advantage of the noise to square things with him.
“He's like this,” Heechul says, with a shrug. “Stubborn. He'll get there at some point. Can't force him.”
“Fuck,” Hankyung says. “It's just. It's so hard to get through to him sometimes.”
“You knew that going in,” Heechul says, though it isn't accusatory. He's inspecting his face in the mirror. For what, Hankyung hasn't a clue. “This whole thing is based on stubbornness. You chose to fuck him anyway. Can't complain about it now, hypocrite.”
“What if he doesn't get there, though?” Hankyung says. “This isn't like a kid's fight. It could – he could just never accept it. Couldn't he?”
“Doubt it,” Heechul says. “He compromised on heterosexuality even though God thinks it's bullshit. You leaving the band can't be worse on his conscience than being in a gay three-way. Stop being so narcissistic.”
Hankyung is exorbitantly grateful in this moment for Heechul being in this room, in his bed, in his life.
“What about you,” Hankyung says, words so soft the running water almost drowns them out.
“I don't have a conscience,” Heechul says, airily.
“Heechul,” Hankyung says.
“I'm the opposite of Siwon,” Heechul says. “Delayed response. I'll be fine for a bit and then I'll start crying all the time. Then I'll probably strangle you in your sleep, unable to resolve my own internal conflicts.”
“That's reassuring,” Hankyung says.
“How stupid,” Heechul says, but he looks pleased all the same.
***
The news breaks across the world. Hankyung feels like his head is full of ricocheting bullets. Once he announces his intentions to SM, he's separated from his bandmates and spends a lot of time in one negotiating room. He has to go to the bathroom a couple of times a day to vomit, unable to concentrate as his lawyer handles round after round of open fire. He'd expected it to be messy, but this goes way beyond that.
Out of courtesy, he doesn't return to Heechul and Siwon afterwards. He supposes that it's something they'll need to get used to.
***
However catty people think Heechul is, it's because he tests other people's limits that he knows them at all. He doesn't speak to Siwon unless he has to, allowing him to continue through their daily routine as best as he knows how. Ordering room service, he picks things that he knows Siwon especially likes. At night, he doesn't initiate anything, but doesn't pull away when Siwon needs him. It's a little like controlling the orbit of the planets around Siwon, but Heechul has always enjoyed doing that.
Eventually, in the middle of some inane game-show on television and a bottle of wine, Siwon starts to talk about it. Heechul is on the floor between his feet, head tilted back against his knee. Siwon has stopped stroking his hair, which is why he knows it's coming – the inevitable discussion.
“It's not that I don't want him to go,” he says. “Although I don't mean to say that I want him to, either, please-”
“Siwon,” Heechul says. “Whatever you say, I know what you mean. I know, okay? Just talk.”
“It isn't a petty thing, is what I'm saying,” Siwon continues, his voice level. “It's not an emotional response. I didn't think he was capable of doing this, so now I'm having to understand that. I'm reorganising this image I have in my head.”
“Okay,” Heechul says.
“I'm angry with him, for letting us down,” Siwon says. “For being ungrateful. For causing this problem within the group, for upsetting the fans. It's going to create chaos. And I don't think that's acceptable, no matter how bad it is.”
Heechul doesn't say anything. The seconds click by and Siwon slowly starts running his fingertips over Heechul's scalp again.
“See,” Heechul says. “That's all very adult and you should probably tell him, so that you can have some kind of adult discussion, rather than just ignoring it. Or, y'know, you could just Stubborn at other uselessly and then fuck, like you did in China.”
“I think that's the last thing we need to do.”
“I'm having the emotional response, is what I'm saying,” Heechul says. “I'm the one clinging and thinking, 'don't leave me'. I don't care about being let down, I don't care about the affect on the band. I don't care about the fans right now – yeah, okay, let me finish – because it's fucking depressing that he's not going to be here anymore. There are more important things than the band.”
“This is a job,” Siwon says. “This is a career. This is our identity – the fans give us so much. You can't just abandon them. You can't treat them like that. It's not just a band.”
“But you can treat a friend like this?”
“I'm not treating him like anything.”
“He needs support.”
“How can I support him when I disagree with him?”
Heechul tilts his head upside down. “You supported me when I was doing stuff you didn't agree with. Now you're doing stuff you probably don't agree with. It's not that simple, is it.”
“This isn't about that,” Siwon says. “I made some personal choices that I have to square with in my own head, but they don't affect the band. This is about more than us. Kyuhyun said – he's biting the hand that feeds him. That's wrong.”
“No, it isn't,” Heechul says. “He's unhappy. He's so sad. Nobody has the right to keep making you sad. That's bullshit. It's brave, what he's doing. I don't want to do it, but I know why he does.”
“How can you condone this like that, how can you admire-? We all get down from time to time. We all feel stressed and overwhelmed. But he could've done anything, tried everything-”
“I think he has,” Heechul says. “And I think nobody takes a decision like this unless they're at the end of their – whatever. I support him because he's my friend and he needs me to. The band doesn't mean more to me than his sanity.”
“I just think it's wrong,” Siwon says. “He may not like that, but there it is.”
“If you love someone, let them go~”, Heechul says, a little softer, a little irreverent. He's hoping that Siwon will take the bait.
“Love does not mean never having to say you're sorry,” Siwon says. His voice is stern to the point of being funny and it makes Heechul want to laugh.
“Ding ding,” Heechul says. “Wrong again. You will learn, young one.”
Siwon finishes his glass, his jaw tight despite the swallow. His eyes are brimming with an unusual kind of confused rage that Heechul's never seen before. It's fascinating. They don't argue like Siwon and Hankyung do. It's not masculine and confrontational, a little physical. It's all words until it's quips, quips that fizzle it out. Only Siwon no longer has anyone to get physical with and, well, it's pooling in his eyes like treacle.
So Heechul turns around on his knees to face him. He makes short work of the zipper of his jeans and even shorter of stroking him to hardness. Siwon doesn't say anything, just rests the glass down on the table and his downturned chin on his fingertips. And when Heechul's mouth closes around him, he mutters, “oh God,” over and over, so that Heechul's socked toes curl into the carpet.
***
Hankyung goes back to the room only once, to pack his bags and to say something to everybody. It's the most nervous he's ever been in his life. Even joining the band and being unable to talk to any of his new bandmates wasn't as scary as this. Heechul has told him that people are angry but there are bound to be silences that he can't handle.
In the end, it is his bandmates who struggle to find words now. They all manage one way or another, taking cue from Eeteuk who tells Hankyung that regardless of what'll happen next, he needs to do right by himself. It's only Siwon who remains mute, unable to vocalise his mental terrain. He just stands in the doorway, fingers flexing. His eyes are as red as Heechul's mouth. Distantly, Hankyung remembers once pouring champagne from Heechul's chin to his stomach. Remembers Siwon drinking it. Remembers the three of them the next day, still half-drunk and sleep-deprived, trying to be interviewed about something or another.
As he follows Heechul and Siwon inside, he wonders why none of his bandmates think it's weird that they share the room.
As he packs, Heechul delivers Siwon a succession of fierce looks and Hankyung supposes that they've had sex. It's how Heechul gets, afterwards. Something in his stomach hurts at the thought of it. Something he'll have to get used to.
“I'm sorry,” he says, as he finishes folding his clothing. Each item carries with it a memory. A t-shirt with a handprint on it from Siwon pushing him down onto the bed. Jeans with faint traces of Heechul's claws from yanking them off. Laces on his trainers which Kangin used to tie his feet together once or twice. Pirouette your way out of this, Chinaman. And now Kangin is gone and he's about to – and despite how he unhappy he is, change scares him. Frightened by his lack of direction, all he feels able to do is apologise to those whose paths have also gotten lost along the way.
Siwon looks at him for a moment, Heechul lingering worriedly in the background. Then, he drops to the floor and helps him to fold his socks into his shoes. For space. For convenience. For something to do, to draw them back together again.
“It's not that I approve,” he says, eventually. “I can't. Not now. But I understand that you're hurting and I'm sorry that this was the only thing you could do to stop it.”
Hankyung understands that that's as much as Siwon can do and he nods, reaching out and stroking his fingers down the plain of Siwon's hand. Their eyes meet and the tension starts to ease. Behind them, Heechul seems to start breathing again.
“Okay,” Hankyung says. “I'm going to need 'Chul to sit on this thing.”
“You or the suitcase?” Heechul says. “I'll do either, but I know what I'd prefer.”
***
At the airport, Siwon simply says, “look after yourself” whilst hugging him. Hankyung finds the statement ironic coming from a man who has given him carpet burns on the back of his thighs and a hickey on the back of his neck. Still, he nods and tries to return the sentiment.
It's Heechul who is frozen this time, apparently unable to find a word that makes sense of this situation. Hankyung knew this would be the hardest bit, but that doesn't even begin to cover it.
“It'll be okay,” he says, as Heechul wraps an arm around his back. Heechul doesn't say anything. They remain like that for a moment too long and over Heechul's shoulder, Hankyung can see Siwon reaching out an arm to intervene. Hesitant, unsure. He shakes his head, vehemently.
“What's he doing,” Heechul says.
“Nothing,” Hankyung says. “Nothing.”
“Liar,” Heechul says, and Hankyung manages a rough laugh.
“Don't go,” Heechul says, then. “Please don't go.”
***
The band heads out to Shanghai some weeks later. Hankyung's been wrapped up in the newfound dizziness of his life, so he's a little anxious about meeting Heechul and Siwon again. It feels like a lifetime ago. He brings it up with his mother, glossing over some of the trickier details. She tells him simply that if they're really friends, there won't be any difficulty at all.
Mind you, she hasn't (oh god, he hopes) ever been in a friendship quite like this.
He doesn't meet them at the airport, the memories of his departure still too raw. It just seems like a bad idea. Instead, he sends Heechul and Siwon an e-mail inviting them over to his place. He waits for the response, chewing on his thumbnail and tripping over the sentence constructions in his English workbook.
He wants to send another one saying, “let's learn English, what is this? Hankyung's bed. Please come and find it”, but for so many obvious reasons, he doesn't.
***
Heechul is asleep on Siwon's bicep. Siwon regards him with a kind of fascination, because he's never regarded his own biceps as particularly comfortable. He used to date a girl who'd rest her head against his shoulder and his neck, kind of, but this is quite different. Since Hankyung's departure, Siwon's found himself drawn into a renewed fascination with Heechul. There are great parts of his life which feel emptier without Hankyung, patches that can't be patched. Still. They're making the best they can of it. They're not talking about Hankyung, but it'll come yet.
Heechul's 'cell goes off in his pocket and Siwon's halfway through a pointless scold when Heechul stirs. Of course it would be him bringing down a plane due to his inability to disconnect from the Internet for more than an hour. He recognises the pointlessness of scolding a Heechul, let alone a sleeping one, as Heechul rubs the back of his hand across his eyes.
“Bastard,” he says, to his 'cell, running his chin up Siwon's shoulder and blowing warm breath all over his neck. “I was in the middle of a dream. Hey. Have I missed the food?” He reaches over Siwon's side and grabs his half-eaten wholemeal roll. Shoving it into his mouth, he draws his 'cell out of his jeans.
“You do realise that that's not supposed to be on, don't you,” Siwon says, more out of pedantry than any real feeling.
“Flight mode,” Heechul says, distractedly. “It's Hankyung. He wants to meet.”
“Say yes,” Siwon says, automatically.
“Really?”
“Sure,” Siwon says. “You don't want to?”
“No, I do, I just figured you'd – I don't know. It's weird still. I don't know. Have you got another bread roll? I'm starving.”
“No, you've eaten all of mine,” Siwon says.
“Steal Sungmin's,” Heechul says.
“He's still eating it!”
“So it'll be a challenge,” Heechul says. “Do you want me to starve?”
“For the love of-” Siwon says, as Heechul settles into e-mailing Hankyung back. “Sungmin, can you check whether Eeteuk's eaten his bread roll? Heechul's likely to die of hunger before we land.”
“That's cheating,” Heechul says crossly. “I'm going to tell on you.”
“I'm sure the Hankyung Police can do lots from down there,” Siwon says, reaching over Sungmin for Eeteuk's proffered bread roll. “Do you want food or not?”
“Oh, go on then,” Heechul says, taking it. “Since you insisted. This okay?” He shows Siwon his 'cell.
“It's a bit confusing,” Siwon says. “I mean, how will he know-”
“Oh, shut up,” Heechul says, sending the message. “It's not Aesop's Fables. He'll know.”
“You could do with reading Aesop's Fables,” Siwon says. “Moral tales would do you the world of good.”
“I think I watched the television version,” Heechul sniffs. “Didn't like it.”
***
Message received 1.10pm.
Batman and Robin will be coming to your rescue imminently! Requesting Commissioner Hankyung punish Robin because he's refusing to feed Batman other people's food. :(
Hankyung frowns at his 'cell, unable to decipher what the hell Heechul is talking about. The disadvantage of not being in Korea is that he has nobody to help him translate, although it's probably a bad idea to allow a third party to read Heechul's e-mails, anyway.
He's just pondering a reply when his 'cell beeps again.
Message received 1.15pm.
Ignore that. Siwon says I have to send something that makes sense. How boring. We'll be there soon. You better you have lots for me to eat there as I'm starving to death here.
***
It's a few hours later when Heechul and Siwon bundle through his door, Heechul seeming strangely larger than Siwon for all the excitement coursing through him. Or, Hankyung supposes, it could be low blood sugar.
“Afternoon,” he says, as Heechul buries his nose in his neck. Hankyung can smell Siwon's aftershave on his skin and it's so potent and so full of memories that he feels his blood shiver.
“God, your Korean's even worse than it was when we first met,” Heechul says.
“Out of practice,” Hankyung says. “I'm working on my English.”
“What's the point in that,” Heechul says. “I can't speak English.”
“God forbid anybody better himself,” Siwon says, from behind. He looks as if he's spent the flight trying to manage a particularly spirited chihuahua. Maybe he has.
“Okay,” Hankyung says. “So he's having a hypoglycemic episode and you're lamenting the lack of tranquilizer darts?”
“Something like that,” Siwon says.
Heechul looks between them as he bustles past and into Hankyung's apartment. “Stupid Mandarin,” he says. “Why can't you speak a special language just with me, since you did it for Siwon.”
Hankyung takes Siwon's suitcase and says, “You only speak Korean, 'Chul. Unless you want to make up a language for us to speak.”
“He's been like this all morning,” Siwon says, by way of explanation.
“You could've fuc-” Hankyung begins, only he stops at the last minute. Not sure if they're ready yet, not for that.
Of course, Heechul understands only one word of Mandarin and it's the one that Hankyung can't finish. He whirls around and leans his hip against the opposing wall. He has lost weight, Hankyung thinks. He wants to be concerned, probably will be later – only, God, the line of his hipbone.
Siwon just shrugs, apparently not offended. “Thought I'd save him for you,” he says. “You can get a taste of what I've been putting up with since you left.”
Hankyung licks his lips.
“You're pimping me out,” Heechul says, sullenly. “And it's not cool.”
“I'm not,” Siwon says, switching back to Korean. “Just teaching you a lesson.”
“What kind of Aesop's Fable is that?” Heechul says.
“It's not a fable,” Siwon says, exasperated.
“What's a fable?” Hankyung says. “What's going on?”
“It could be,” Heechul muses. “The man who tempts others get a right royal fucking as a punishment.”
“It's not punishment if you enjoy it,” Siwon hisses.
Hankyung watches, fascinated.
“Spoken like a true Catholic,” Heechul hisses back.
“What the hell,” Hankyung says.
“Hankyung,” Siwon warns.
“He's become a lot worse about people cursing,” Heechul informs Hankyung. “Which is weird, because now he's only gay once over, not twice. Plus, I look enough like a girl that it shouldn't trip his little Catholic fusebox so.”
Hankyung turns his astonished gaze to Siwon, who looks to be hovering somewhere between enraged and ridiculously horny. Hankyung can relate to that. He supposes that he was always the referee between the two of them. With he and Siwon, it's just physical competition. Heechul has a way of sliding words right under your skin and unless you give in, it just gets harder and harder to ignore him.
At least it isn't difficult. His mother was right.
“Does anybody want some tea?” he says. “I have proper tea here, not your crappy Korean interpretation. Heechul? I have biscuits.”
Heechul is looking at Siwon, who is breathing rather faster than he was when he came in. Hankyung looks at Siwon, who returns his gaze with something akin to hunger crawling beneath his skin. Hankyung, despite himself, starts to smile.
“Okay,” he says, giving up on the idea of refreshments. “Siwon, close the door. Heechul, bedroom.”
Heechul takes his gaze away from Siwon and looks at Hankyung, really looks at him. Things feel complete in a way they never have before and Hankyung realises just how much he's missed them.
“We have a leader back,” Heechul says, approvingly.
“About time.” Siwon agrees.
***
“I would like it to be known,” Heechul announces, “that I am not happy about this.”
He doesn't look happy about it, either. Siwon is spread out on the bed, every last muscle relaxed. Hankyung is spread across his upper thighs, his hands loose on Siwon's wrists against the mattress. Heechul is lying beside them, looking like a cat awaiting its turn at the cream.
“Shut up,” Siwon says. His hand is at the back of Hankyung's neck, rubbing in slow circles. Hankyung's hips are rolling in slow rotations, not enough to really frustrate but sufficient to prickle. He knows how Siwon likes it.
“He has no patience,” Hankyung says, in Mandarin.
“True,” Siwon says. “And he's inappropriate in public.”
“I heard about the kissing incident,” Hankyung says.
“Which one?”
Hankyung leans down so as to wrap his teeth around Siwon's earlobe. “The one where he kissed you onstage. I saw it in the gossip pages. Wound me up something bad. Why, has there been more than one?”
“I am ignoring this,” Heechul says. “Just so you know.”
“Henry,” Siwon says. Heechul's ears prick up immediately.
“You want to invite Henry into the bed now?” he says. “Just because I kissed him? Am I not enough for you? God. I don't know why I like you.”
“Freakishly large hands,” Hankyung suggests, as Siwon grins and, wriggling free, runs one of same down his spine, under his shirt.
“I hate you both,” Heechul says.
“I can't believe you kissed Henry,” Hankyung says.
“Oh,” Heechul says, understanding. “That, well.”
“Mm,” Hankyung says, as Siwon runs the other hand down his torso and palms it over the front of his sweatpants.
“It's how I express my affection,” Heechul says.
“Slut,” Siwon says, so sharp and unexpected that it makes Hankyung laugh right into his ear. Heechul tries to object to this but looks so overtly aroused that the effect is somewhat lost. Drawing back, Hankyung takes pity on him.
“Come here,” he says, reaching out a hand. Crossly, Heechul crawls across the bed.
“What do you want,” he says.
“To punish Siwon,” Hankyung says. “That wasn't very charitable, was it.”
“No,” Heechul says, brightening. “It wasn't. Can we punish him like a good Catholic?”
“No,” Siwon says. “Nothing about either of you is Catholic.”
“I've been doing my homework,” says Heechul.
“No,” Siwon says. “Not acceptable.”
Hankyung rolls back onto his heels, making the small of Siwon's back arch up, a sliver of breath escaping his mouth.
“I'm leader,” he says. “You'll do as I say.”
“You're not leader,” Siwon hisses. “Something about a contract termination a while back, if I recall correctly. Can't remember the exact details. I think you quit.”
Hankyung isn't just brushing but rubbing his hand over Siwon's jeans, his eyes narrowed with concentration and easy, easy feeling. Heechul watches it with a sense of quiet satisfaction.
“Don't be a smartass,” Hankyung says, switching back to Mandarin. “When in China, do as the-”
“I think that's Rome,” Siwon says. “Actually.”
“You'd know,” Heechul says.
“If you bring the Vatican into this, I swear I'll-”
“Heechul,” Hankyung says, swinging back and letting go, making Siwon grunt in pure frustration. “Here.”
He holds onto his hips as Heechul swings one leg over Siwon's thighs to sit in front of Hankyung. Hankyung is tall enough to be able to rest his chin on Heechul's shoulder, which he does, noting the look in Siwon's eyes with amusement.
“He doesn't like it when he's not in charge,” Hankyung says. “I learnt that in China, last time.”
Heechul looks down at the defiance in Siwon's face and reaches his hand out to touch him, only at the last minute drawing it back. “No,” he says.
“What?” Hankyung says.
“What?” Siwon says.
“Hankyung,” Heechul says, grabbing Hankyung's hands. He draws them around himself, wrapping his fingers around the base of his shirt. Hankyung cottons on quick, tugging upwards and exposing Heechul's hips, his stomach.
“Fuck. Off.” Siwon says.
At that, Hankyung runs his hands down Heechul's stomach, deft fingers finding the buttons on his jeans.
“Oh,” Siwon says.
“Co-signed,” Heechul says, tilting his head back so that Hankyung can get his lips at his mouth.
Hankyung kisses him, a world of everything returning as if it's never been away. His fingers work at undoing Heechul's jeans, feeling Siwon's entire body got taut underneath them both. He's never, never known anything like this. Not even standing on stage. Maybe he'll never know anything like it again.
When they break apart, Heechul looks down at Siwon with an expression of purest gloating. His hair is falling around his face, his mouth swollen from the twelve weeks of kissing he's trying to make up for. Hankyung's hands are pulling his jeans apart and he's an inch from making the kind of noise that makes Siwon's knees go weak. Hankyung supposes he has reason to be smug.
“Touch me,” Heechul hisses. It couldn't be more obvious from his voice that he's talking to Hankyung alone.
“Don't,” Siwon says.
“Sorry,” Hankyung says, rucking Heechul's jeans down further around his hips. He works a hand in there, stroking soft until Heechul bucks back against him.
“Took you fucking long enough,” he spits.
“If you wouldn't wear such fucking tight jeans,” Hankyung says.
“I'm still here, you know,” Siwon says.
“We know,” Heechul says. “Oh, fucking Christ, I've missed those hands.”
“Heechul,” Siwon warns.
“Siwon,” Heechul says, beginning to roll his hips back against Hankyung. “I swear, if you do that one more time, I won't hesitate to slap your fucking face. Shut the fuck up.”
***
Siwon is silent for approximately two minutes, which is some kind of world record, surely, when you have a Hankyung on you stroking a Heechul on you, and a Heechul making the kind of debauched noises they would've warned you about in church had they any real concept of sin.
“Oh God, there, there, there,” Heechul is saying. His eyes are still on Siwon, as if it's Siwon doing the work and not Hankyung – Hankyung who is biting his shoulder, almost as if to restrain himself. Whenever Siwon lifts his hands, unable to resist the temptation, Heechul slams them back down on the bed.
“I love that there're three of us here,” Siwon manages, “and he's the only one getting off.”
Heechul leans his head back, a glorious laugh in his throat. “I'm not,” he stutters. “He's like a teenager behind me. Or a dog with a leg.”
“Don't push your luck,” Hankyung grits out.
“Fuck this,” Siwon says, back to Mandarin. “Hankyung. Fuck this. Come on. We can overthrow him. I thought you were the, ah, fearless leader.”
“Huhhh,” Hankyung says.
“Hankyung,” Siwon hisses.
“What,” Hankyung says.
“Fearless leaders don't behave like dogs,” Siwon says. “Come on. Man up.”
Hankyung hesitates.
“Shut up,” Heechul says. “Don't stop. Don't. I'm so, I'm so-”
Siwon laughs, then. “Come on, Hankyung. Come on.”
Hankyung opens his eyes then, looks into Siwon's dark eyes and palms one hand down onto Heechul's shaking thighs. It would be so cruel. And yet, and yet.
The noise that Heechul makes when he stops is nothing short of furious.
“Alright, alright,” Hankyung says, trying to appease him with kisses on the back of his neck. It doesn't work. “Siwon, help me get his trousers off. He's not going to fucking co-operate now.”
“I hate you,” Heechul says. It's not at all clear from his voice who he's talking to.
Siwon snorts, reaching out to tackle Heechul's jeans and underwear as Hankyung lifts his shift clean off. “We hate you too,” he says.
“Heechul,” Hankyung says. “Want to get his shirt?”
“No,” Heechul says.
“I can fuck you with it on,” Siwon says. “Doesn't matter to me.”
Heechul just looks at him. “You're not fucking me,” he says.
“Oh well,” Hankyung says, stroking his naked hips. “Guess he's fucking me, then. You can go make tea.”
“I am never coming to China again,” Heechul says. “It makes you gang up on me.”
“As I recall, you profited quite nicely out of it last time,” Siwon says.
“That's beside the point,” Heechul says.
“Touch him,” Hankyung says. “He'll calm down if you touch him.”
“I will not,” Heechul says.
Siwon reaches out and takes Hankyung's fingers. Tangling their hands together, he touches Heechul with them and Heechul goes back on his own word. His head drops back a little, against Hankyung's chest. His hands move skittishly to Siwon's shirt and he yanks clumsily at it, not caring whether the buttons loosen or not. Siwon lets him, not even watching, just stroking him into heady submission.
“Don't make him come,” Hankyung says. “He's trying to make you.”
“Shut up,” Heechul says. “Bastard Chinaman.”
“Take your shirt off,” Siwon says to Hankyung, letting him let go. “And find the-”
“I know,” Hankyung says. “I'm prepared. I didn't invite you so we could drink tea.”
He moves back to undress, dragging Siwon's jeans with him as he goes. Heechul has to shift a little then, so he lies down across Siwon's chest and kisses the hollow of his throat, as if kissing away his own hunger. Siwon cradles the back of his head with one hand, the other stroking his spine. Hankyung watches the new dynamic as he undresses, trying to understand what the two of them are now without him. It doesn't hurt anymore.
“Siwon,” he says, passing him the lube.
It's an easy angle for Siwon to reach and as he does, Heechul huffs mewled breath against his throat. Hankyung watches approvingly as he reaches through the tangle with the condom, until Siwon tenses and shifts against him.
“It's like a pretzel,” he laughs, and Heechul begins to laugh, too. This is ridiculous, Hankyung thinks. Ridiculous and I love it.
“Sit up,” Hankyung says, swinging back across Siwon's knees. “Heechul, come on.”
“Heechul,” Siwon says.
“I thought we were supposed to be torturing you,” Heechul says, but he consents to sitting up so that Siwon can free his fingers. “Not me.”
“Oh, for God's sake,” Hankyung says. “Can somebody just fuck him, already.”
Siwon is stroking the line of Heechul's hip and palming his cock. It's thoroughly distracting and Hankyung's about to intervene when Heechul clears his throat, ragged and heated.
“Can't, can't, going to have to stop,” he says, finally taking control. He shifts further upwards onto Siwon's chest and with Hankyung's hands on his sides, he pushes down and back, harder than any of them were expecting.
“Fuck,” Siwon manages, though his breath seems determined to silence him. “Fuck, Heechul, warning please.”
“This is better,” Heechul says, a breathless laugh. “This is proper torture.”
Behind him, wrapping an arm around Heechul's hip to grab at his cock and an arm around Heechul's back to grasp his own – Hankyung is inclined to agree.
“You're not touching me,” Heechul says to Siwon. “You're not, you're not fucking – oh god.” He's starting to roll his hips in a slight dip, the exact rhythm he likes, falling into something practiced and true. “You're not. This is me, this is me and him – we're friends and you're a traitor, you're a traitor to Hankyung and, fuck, yes, there.”
Siwon looks as if he wants to laugh but absolutely can't. His hands are around Heechul's face, desperate to move but not daring to. Hankyung can feel his shoulders shaking through the muscles in his thighs. The restraint is trembling through him like the surface of water during an earthquake. Hankyung's not sure there isn't an earthquake happening – how the hell would he know?
Hankyung touches Heechul the way he knows Siwon would – wants to – rough and unforgiving. Heechul has had enough touching not to care that it's a bit too hard and Hankyung's had too little to care that it's a bit too painful. Stroking them both to Heechul's rhythm - not the one he normally goes for but here it's perfect - he knows that every nerve tingling is one of Heechul's too. He wraps his teeth back around Heechul's shoulder, growling each and every breath.
“Oh, please,” he says and Heechul laughs, not understanding the words but knowing their meaning, regardless.
“You territorial bastard,” Heechul says. “You want to come up my back-”
“You want him to,” Siwon hisses. “You can't talk.”
Hankyung doesn't know what Heechul does to warrant such a hard intake of breath, then, but Siwon doesn't say anything more. His hand moves from the left side of Heechul's face, though, down to his cock. His fingers entangle with Hankyung's, harder than ever.
“Come on,” he says, to Hankyung. “We're going to make him-”
“No, no, fuck,” Heechul stutters. “A bit more, a bit more-”
“One minute he's asking to come, the next minute he's asking not to,” Hankyung manages. “I'm confused. Are you confused.”
“Very confused,” Siwon says. “Mixed messages and all.”
“Fuck you,” Heechul says. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck-”
And so Siwon pulls the other hand from Heechul's face and grabs one side of his hip. He's able to shift his knees a little so that the angle changes, just slightly, but enough. Hankyung moves with it, tightly pressed against Heechul's back, so close that he can barely move his hand but so close that he hardly needs to. Heechul goes completely rigid with shock, begins to mutter something that sounds suspiciously like cunt and then makes a noise that darts through Hankyung's brain like fire, connecting all of his memories together like sparks.
And it's enough, plenty enough. He lets Siwon take over, lets him stroke Heechul clean as his own mind blanks out and pleasure drowns his nervous system.
When he comes to, Heechul is lying across Siwon's chest as if he's finally come good on his frequent threats to die of sex. He wants to join him but figures it'd hardly be polite, so he manages somehow to wrench his legs into the freedom of the bed space beside them. Siwon's eyes are closed and his arms are on Heechul's back more through comfort than affection, though it looks contented.
“You know,” Heechul says, his throat raw. “I think I'll quit, too.”
***
They head from there to the concert and Siwon's never felt less capable of singing asexual songs about happiness and girls. Heechul is suspiciously quiet and doesn't rise to Eeteuk's teasing as he normally would. All the others have questions about Hankyung, which Siwon has to answer because Heechul's too, well, fucked.
Problem is, they barely got to talk so Siwon has to make up answers and hope that it doesn't come undone on him. In truth, he's never felt less Catholic, either.
The venue is packed when they arrive and it occurs to Siwon only briefly that this is the first time the band has come to China since Hankyung's departure. It seems kind of strange that for the fans, this is a goodbye. For he and Heechul, it's a new start.
When he'd left Hankyung, he'd said only “you did the right thing. I understand.” And now, finally, he does.
***
Siwon knows that Zhou Mi is a little intimidated by him. They've worked together for ages, but Zhou Mi still has the kind of nerves that Hankyung had when he first joined. Normally, it's better when he's in his own country, same as it is for Hankyung.
Only the crowd has other ideas.
The first time they start shouting Hankyung's name, Siwon looks across at Heechul. He's working his lip between his teeth. They're hardened to this now. They're Super Junior. They understand the deal. The line-up changes, the fans get angry. Polite press conferences and interviews, toeing the line, hoping for acceptance.
This is a career. This is our identity – the fans give us so much. You can't just abandon them. You can't treat them like that. It's not just a band.
Eeteuk reaches across and touches Siwon's arm, trying to remind him of that. He's the leader, not Hankyung. He calls the shots. This is just their life. This is just what they have to do, until Hankyung's loss isn't so keenly felt.
He looks at Heechul again and he thinks, fuck that.
He grabs the microphone and opens his mouth to speak.
Pairing: Siwon/Hankyung/Heechul
Rating: NC-17
Summary: For
guiltyschu for help_chile, with MASSIVE apologies for lateness. She requested a fic surrounding this infamous incident. This is a sequel-of-sorts to China In Your Hand. I really hope that you enjoy this and thanks so much again for bidding! Thank you also to peacock for the beta! :)Warnings: Rude language, rude content, slash, some angst.
Sometimes, I think you want me to touch you
How can I, when you build the great wall around you
In your eyes, I saw the future together
You just look away in the distance.
Tori Amos, China
Afterwards, the dark expanses of the room seem to swallow their breath. Hankyung can just about identify Heechul over Siwon, his faster small breaths and his lazy nail-scratch on whatever skin he can reach. Siwon is louder but deeper and his hands make noise as they move Heechul's nails away.
Hankyung can feel his muscles resisting the post-coital pull of the mattress, his nerves ringing tight with anticipation. About to go against all dating advice and tell them the bad news in bed, he figures he's never going to be sure it's the right time. He's just hoping that the general satiation will distract them both from what he's about to say. Naturally, he's wrong.
Heechul is the first to react, immediately setting his focus on Hankyung's face, as if searching for understanding. His own gaze is inscrutable and, Hankyung thinks, a little frightening for it. Heechul is the one he's most afraid to tell, because Heechul takes losses so badly. The silence drags on and on, before Heechul opens his mouth.
“Is it a termination or an adjustment?” he says, slowly.
Hankyung frowns, recognising too late that it's difficult to talk legalities in Korean. And, well, this is the one tricky situation he's been in where he definitely doesn't want his lawyer present. Heechul turns to Siwon, trying to coax him into translation, but Siwon is deadly silent.
“Okay,” Heechul says. He's pushing his elbow into Siwon's side, to no avail. “Thanks Horse, most helpful. Is it...like, God, okay. Are you playing Poker or are you cashing in your chips?”
Hankyung understands the words but the meaning makes too little sense in context. All he can think about is another hotel room six months ago, Heechul singing can't read my, can't read my, po po po poker face at Siwon and Siwon trying to ignore it. His memory has a habit of showering treats on him this way, usually at unfair and inappropriate moments.
“I,” he says. “I don't-”
“Are you leaving for good,” Siwon says, eventually, in Mandarin. “Or are you negotiating?”
“Oh,” Hankyung says, switching with gratitude to his native language. Heechul's eyes dart between them, taut. “I'm leaving for good,” he finishes, not even trying to take the edge off.
To his credit, Heechul needs no translation. “How soon?” he asks.
Hankyung thinks about this. “I don't know,” he says. “It depends – it depends what SM decide. Whether it becomes a lawsuit or not. Whether...whether they accept it. Maybe next year. I don't know.”
Heechul is working the fabric of the sheet between his fingers. He has that face that reminds Hankyung of a fly trying to unstick itself from paper. As if his thoughts are getting stuck on the surface of his brain. He looks angrier with himself than with Hankyung.
“Will you be doing anything with the band?” he asks. “Or are you going to go home?”
“Probably home,” Hankyung says. “I don't think SM are going to let me continue, not with the scandal it'll cause.”
Siwon is staring at the ceiling, which is worse than what Heechul is doing, trying to wrap his mind around it. Siwon's face is impassive, as though there isn't a thought in his brain that needs taming.
“Siwon,” he says.
“It seems a poor way to go out,” Siwon says. His voice is quiet, low and simplistic. His meaning isn't.
“I've tried,” Hankyung says. “You know that I've tried-”
“Don't,” Heechul says. “Don't start this again. I've had it with this argument. Fuck.”
“Heechul,” Siwon warns.
“Shut up,” Heechul says. “Telling me not to curse? You were fucking me ten minutes ago. I think that-”
“Shut up,” Hankyung says. It pains him to draw them both back to this, away from the soothing bickering, but. The last thing Siwon needs is a discussion of religion right now. He wishes that Heechul had let them continue the fight, finally finish it after all these months.
“It's not,” he says, eventually. “It's not something I can help anymore. I can't do this anymore, Siwon. I can't be this anymore. You know that I wouldn't do this if I had any other option.”
“There's always another option,” Siwon says. He's leaning over, the sheet pulling across Heechul's hands and around Hankyung's waist. Moving the three of them together as Siwon draws away for the light switch.
“Siwon,” Heechul says, quieter and more confused than Hankyung's ever heard his voice.
“We need to be up early,” Siwon says, as he flicks the room into darkness. It couldn't be more obvious from his voice that he's talking to Heechul alone.
They're quiet the next morning, the unspoken hanging in the air. They know that Hankyung has to go to the Head Office and the air stifles them all as he gets ready to do it. Unaware, doors and doors down, the other members are showering and eating breakfast and not even thinking about the day.
Siwon watches the morning news without speaking to either of them. Hankyung showers as Heechul brushes his teeth and he takes the advantage of the noise to square things with him.
“He's like this,” Heechul says, with a shrug. “Stubborn. He'll get there at some point. Can't force him.”
“Fuck,” Hankyung says. “It's just. It's so hard to get through to him sometimes.”
“You knew that going in,” Heechul says, though it isn't accusatory. He's inspecting his face in the mirror. For what, Hankyung hasn't a clue. “This whole thing is based on stubbornness. You chose to fuck him anyway. Can't complain about it now, hypocrite.”
“What if he doesn't get there, though?” Hankyung says. “This isn't like a kid's fight. It could – he could just never accept it. Couldn't he?”
“Doubt it,” Heechul says. “He compromised on heterosexuality even though God thinks it's bullshit. You leaving the band can't be worse on his conscience than being in a gay three-way. Stop being so narcissistic.”
Hankyung is exorbitantly grateful in this moment for Heechul being in this room, in his bed, in his life.
“What about you,” Hankyung says, words so soft the running water almost drowns them out.
“I don't have a conscience,” Heechul says, airily.
“Heechul,” Hankyung says.
“I'm the opposite of Siwon,” Heechul says. “Delayed response. I'll be fine for a bit and then I'll start crying all the time. Then I'll probably strangle you in your sleep, unable to resolve my own internal conflicts.”
“That's reassuring,” Hankyung says.
“How stupid,” Heechul says, but he looks pleased all the same.
The news breaks across the world. Hankyung feels like his head is full of ricocheting bullets. Once he announces his intentions to SM, he's separated from his bandmates and spends a lot of time in one negotiating room. He has to go to the bathroom a couple of times a day to vomit, unable to concentrate as his lawyer handles round after round of open fire. He'd expected it to be messy, but this goes way beyond that.
Out of courtesy, he doesn't return to Heechul and Siwon afterwards. He supposes that it's something they'll need to get used to.
However catty people think Heechul is, it's because he tests other people's limits that he knows them at all. He doesn't speak to Siwon unless he has to, allowing him to continue through their daily routine as best as he knows how. Ordering room service, he picks things that he knows Siwon especially likes. At night, he doesn't initiate anything, but doesn't pull away when Siwon needs him. It's a little like controlling the orbit of the planets around Siwon, but Heechul has always enjoyed doing that.
Eventually, in the middle of some inane game-show on television and a bottle of wine, Siwon starts to talk about it. Heechul is on the floor between his feet, head tilted back against his knee. Siwon has stopped stroking his hair, which is why he knows it's coming – the inevitable discussion.
“It's not that I don't want him to go,” he says. “Although I don't mean to say that I want him to, either, please-”
“Siwon,” Heechul says. “Whatever you say, I know what you mean. I know, okay? Just talk.”
“It isn't a petty thing, is what I'm saying,” Siwon continues, his voice level. “It's not an emotional response. I didn't think he was capable of doing this, so now I'm having to understand that. I'm reorganising this image I have in my head.”
“Okay,” Heechul says.
“I'm angry with him, for letting us down,” Siwon says. “For being ungrateful. For causing this problem within the group, for upsetting the fans. It's going to create chaos. And I don't think that's acceptable, no matter how bad it is.”
Heechul doesn't say anything. The seconds click by and Siwon slowly starts running his fingertips over Heechul's scalp again.
“See,” Heechul says. “That's all very adult and you should probably tell him, so that you can have some kind of adult discussion, rather than just ignoring it. Or, y'know, you could just Stubborn at other uselessly and then fuck, like you did in China.”
“I think that's the last thing we need to do.”
“I'm having the emotional response, is what I'm saying,” Heechul says. “I'm the one clinging and thinking, 'don't leave me'. I don't care about being let down, I don't care about the affect on the band. I don't care about the fans right now – yeah, okay, let me finish – because it's fucking depressing that he's not going to be here anymore. There are more important things than the band.”
“This is a job,” Siwon says. “This is a career. This is our identity – the fans give us so much. You can't just abandon them. You can't treat them like that. It's not just a band.”
“But you can treat a friend like this?”
“I'm not treating him like anything.”
“He needs support.”
“How can I support him when I disagree with him?”
Heechul tilts his head upside down. “You supported me when I was doing stuff you didn't agree with. Now you're doing stuff you probably don't agree with. It's not that simple, is it.”
“This isn't about that,” Siwon says. “I made some personal choices that I have to square with in my own head, but they don't affect the band. This is about more than us. Kyuhyun said – he's biting the hand that feeds him. That's wrong.”
“No, it isn't,” Heechul says. “He's unhappy. He's so sad. Nobody has the right to keep making you sad. That's bullshit. It's brave, what he's doing. I don't want to do it, but I know why he does.”
“How can you condone this like that, how can you admire-? We all get down from time to time. We all feel stressed and overwhelmed. But he could've done anything, tried everything-”
“I think he has,” Heechul says. “And I think nobody takes a decision like this unless they're at the end of their – whatever. I support him because he's my friend and he needs me to. The band doesn't mean more to me than his sanity.”
“I just think it's wrong,” Siwon says. “He may not like that, but there it is.”
“If you love someone, let them go~”, Heechul says, a little softer, a little irreverent. He's hoping that Siwon will take the bait.
“Love does not mean never having to say you're sorry,” Siwon says. His voice is stern to the point of being funny and it makes Heechul want to laugh.
“Ding ding,” Heechul says. “Wrong again. You will learn, young one.”
Siwon finishes his glass, his jaw tight despite the swallow. His eyes are brimming with an unusual kind of confused rage that Heechul's never seen before. It's fascinating. They don't argue like Siwon and Hankyung do. It's not masculine and confrontational, a little physical. It's all words until it's quips, quips that fizzle it out. Only Siwon no longer has anyone to get physical with and, well, it's pooling in his eyes like treacle.
So Heechul turns around on his knees to face him. He makes short work of the zipper of his jeans and even shorter of stroking him to hardness. Siwon doesn't say anything, just rests the glass down on the table and his downturned chin on his fingertips. And when Heechul's mouth closes around him, he mutters, “oh God,” over and over, so that Heechul's socked toes curl into the carpet.
Hankyung goes back to the room only once, to pack his bags and to say something to everybody. It's the most nervous he's ever been in his life. Even joining the band and being unable to talk to any of his new bandmates wasn't as scary as this. Heechul has told him that people are angry but there are bound to be silences that he can't handle.
In the end, it is his bandmates who struggle to find words now. They all manage one way or another, taking cue from Eeteuk who tells Hankyung that regardless of what'll happen next, he needs to do right by himself. It's only Siwon who remains mute, unable to vocalise his mental terrain. He just stands in the doorway, fingers flexing. His eyes are as red as Heechul's mouth. Distantly, Hankyung remembers once pouring champagne from Heechul's chin to his stomach. Remembers Siwon drinking it. Remembers the three of them the next day, still half-drunk and sleep-deprived, trying to be interviewed about something or another.
As he follows Heechul and Siwon inside, he wonders why none of his bandmates think it's weird that they share the room.
As he packs, Heechul delivers Siwon a succession of fierce looks and Hankyung supposes that they've had sex. It's how Heechul gets, afterwards. Something in his stomach hurts at the thought of it. Something he'll have to get used to.
“I'm sorry,” he says, as he finishes folding his clothing. Each item carries with it a memory. A t-shirt with a handprint on it from Siwon pushing him down onto the bed. Jeans with faint traces of Heechul's claws from yanking them off. Laces on his trainers which Kangin used to tie his feet together once or twice. Pirouette your way out of this, Chinaman. And now Kangin is gone and he's about to – and despite how he unhappy he is, change scares him. Frightened by his lack of direction, all he feels able to do is apologise to those whose paths have also gotten lost along the way.
Siwon looks at him for a moment, Heechul lingering worriedly in the background. Then, he drops to the floor and helps him to fold his socks into his shoes. For space. For convenience. For something to do, to draw them back together again.
“It's not that I approve,” he says, eventually. “I can't. Not now. But I understand that you're hurting and I'm sorry that this was the only thing you could do to stop it.”
Hankyung understands that that's as much as Siwon can do and he nods, reaching out and stroking his fingers down the plain of Siwon's hand. Their eyes meet and the tension starts to ease. Behind them, Heechul seems to start breathing again.
“Okay,” Hankyung says. “I'm going to need 'Chul to sit on this thing.”
“You or the suitcase?” Heechul says. “I'll do either, but I know what I'd prefer.”
At the airport, Siwon simply says, “look after yourself” whilst hugging him. Hankyung finds the statement ironic coming from a man who has given him carpet burns on the back of his thighs and a hickey on the back of his neck. Still, he nods and tries to return the sentiment.
It's Heechul who is frozen this time, apparently unable to find a word that makes sense of this situation. Hankyung knew this would be the hardest bit, but that doesn't even begin to cover it.
“It'll be okay,” he says, as Heechul wraps an arm around his back. Heechul doesn't say anything. They remain like that for a moment too long and over Heechul's shoulder, Hankyung can see Siwon reaching out an arm to intervene. Hesitant, unsure. He shakes his head, vehemently.
“What's he doing,” Heechul says.
“Nothing,” Hankyung says. “Nothing.”
“Liar,” Heechul says, and Hankyung manages a rough laugh.
“Don't go,” Heechul says, then. “Please don't go.”
The band heads out to Shanghai some weeks later. Hankyung's been wrapped up in the newfound dizziness of his life, so he's a little anxious about meeting Heechul and Siwon again. It feels like a lifetime ago. He brings it up with his mother, glossing over some of the trickier details. She tells him simply that if they're really friends, there won't be any difficulty at all.
Mind you, she hasn't (oh god, he hopes) ever been in a friendship quite like this.
He doesn't meet them at the airport, the memories of his departure still too raw. It just seems like a bad idea. Instead, he sends Heechul and Siwon an e-mail inviting them over to his place. He waits for the response, chewing on his thumbnail and tripping over the sentence constructions in his English workbook.
He wants to send another one saying, “let's learn English, what is this? Hankyung's bed. Please come and find it”, but for so many obvious reasons, he doesn't.
Heechul is asleep on Siwon's bicep. Siwon regards him with a kind of fascination, because he's never regarded his own biceps as particularly comfortable. He used to date a girl who'd rest her head against his shoulder and his neck, kind of, but this is quite different. Since Hankyung's departure, Siwon's found himself drawn into a renewed fascination with Heechul. There are great parts of his life which feel emptier without Hankyung, patches that can't be patched. Still. They're making the best they can of it. They're not talking about Hankyung, but it'll come yet.
Heechul's 'cell goes off in his pocket and Siwon's halfway through a pointless scold when Heechul stirs. Of course it would be him bringing down a plane due to his inability to disconnect from the Internet for more than an hour. He recognises the pointlessness of scolding a Heechul, let alone a sleeping one, as Heechul rubs the back of his hand across his eyes.
“Bastard,” he says, to his 'cell, running his chin up Siwon's shoulder and blowing warm breath all over his neck. “I was in the middle of a dream. Hey. Have I missed the food?” He reaches over Siwon's side and grabs his half-eaten wholemeal roll. Shoving it into his mouth, he draws his 'cell out of his jeans.
“You do realise that that's not supposed to be on, don't you,” Siwon says, more out of pedantry than any real feeling.
“Flight mode,” Heechul says, distractedly. “It's Hankyung. He wants to meet.”
“Say yes,” Siwon says, automatically.
“Really?”
“Sure,” Siwon says. “You don't want to?”
“No, I do, I just figured you'd – I don't know. It's weird still. I don't know. Have you got another bread roll? I'm starving.”
“No, you've eaten all of mine,” Siwon says.
“Steal Sungmin's,” Heechul says.
“He's still eating it!”
“So it'll be a challenge,” Heechul says. “Do you want me to starve?”
“For the love of-” Siwon says, as Heechul settles into e-mailing Hankyung back. “Sungmin, can you check whether Eeteuk's eaten his bread roll? Heechul's likely to die of hunger before we land.”
“That's cheating,” Heechul says crossly. “I'm going to tell on you.”
“I'm sure the Hankyung Police can do lots from down there,” Siwon says, reaching over Sungmin for Eeteuk's proffered bread roll. “Do you want food or not?”
“Oh, go on then,” Heechul says, taking it. “Since you insisted. This okay?” He shows Siwon his 'cell.
“It's a bit confusing,” Siwon says. “I mean, how will he know-”
“Oh, shut up,” Heechul says, sending the message. “It's not Aesop's Fables. He'll know.”
“You could do with reading Aesop's Fables,” Siwon says. “Moral tales would do you the world of good.”
“I think I watched the television version,” Heechul sniffs. “Didn't like it.”
Message received 1.10pm.
Batman and Robin will be coming to your rescue imminently! Requesting Commissioner Hankyung punish Robin because he's refusing to feed Batman other people's food. :(
Hankyung frowns at his 'cell, unable to decipher what the hell Heechul is talking about. The disadvantage of not being in Korea is that he has nobody to help him translate, although it's probably a bad idea to allow a third party to read Heechul's e-mails, anyway.
He's just pondering a reply when his 'cell beeps again.
Message received 1.15pm.
Ignore that. Siwon says I have to send something that makes sense. How boring. We'll be there soon. You better you have lots for me to eat there as I'm starving to death here.
It's a few hours later when Heechul and Siwon bundle through his door, Heechul seeming strangely larger than Siwon for all the excitement coursing through him. Or, Hankyung supposes, it could be low blood sugar.
“Afternoon,” he says, as Heechul buries his nose in his neck. Hankyung can smell Siwon's aftershave on his skin and it's so potent and so full of memories that he feels his blood shiver.
“God, your Korean's even worse than it was when we first met,” Heechul says.
“Out of practice,” Hankyung says. “I'm working on my English.”
“What's the point in that,” Heechul says. “I can't speak English.”
“God forbid anybody better himself,” Siwon says, from behind. He looks as if he's spent the flight trying to manage a particularly spirited chihuahua. Maybe he has.
“Okay,” Hankyung says. “So he's having a hypoglycemic episode and you're lamenting the lack of tranquilizer darts?”
“Something like that,” Siwon says.
Heechul looks between them as he bustles past and into Hankyung's apartment. “Stupid Mandarin,” he says. “Why can't you speak a special language just with me, since you did it for Siwon.”
Hankyung takes Siwon's suitcase and says, “You only speak Korean, 'Chul. Unless you want to make up a language for us to speak.”
“He's been like this all morning,” Siwon says, by way of explanation.
“You could've fuc-” Hankyung begins, only he stops at the last minute. Not sure if they're ready yet, not for that.
Of course, Heechul understands only one word of Mandarin and it's the one that Hankyung can't finish. He whirls around and leans his hip against the opposing wall. He has lost weight, Hankyung thinks. He wants to be concerned, probably will be later – only, God, the line of his hipbone.
Siwon just shrugs, apparently not offended. “Thought I'd save him for you,” he says. “You can get a taste of what I've been putting up with since you left.”
Hankyung licks his lips.
“You're pimping me out,” Heechul says, sullenly. “And it's not cool.”
“I'm not,” Siwon says, switching back to Korean. “Just teaching you a lesson.”
“What kind of Aesop's Fable is that?” Heechul says.
“It's not a fable,” Siwon says, exasperated.
“What's a fable?” Hankyung says. “What's going on?”
“It could be,” Heechul muses. “The man who tempts others get a right royal fucking as a punishment.”
“It's not punishment if you enjoy it,” Siwon hisses.
Hankyung watches, fascinated.
“Spoken like a true Catholic,” Heechul hisses back.
“What the hell,” Hankyung says.
“Hankyung,” Siwon warns.
“He's become a lot worse about people cursing,” Heechul informs Hankyung. “Which is weird, because now he's only gay once over, not twice. Plus, I look enough like a girl that it shouldn't trip his little Catholic fusebox so.”
Hankyung turns his astonished gaze to Siwon, who looks to be hovering somewhere between enraged and ridiculously horny. Hankyung can relate to that. He supposes that he was always the referee between the two of them. With he and Siwon, it's just physical competition. Heechul has a way of sliding words right under your skin and unless you give in, it just gets harder and harder to ignore him.
At least it isn't difficult. His mother was right.
“Does anybody want some tea?” he says. “I have proper tea here, not your crappy Korean interpretation. Heechul? I have biscuits.”
Heechul is looking at Siwon, who is breathing rather faster than he was when he came in. Hankyung looks at Siwon, who returns his gaze with something akin to hunger crawling beneath his skin. Hankyung, despite himself, starts to smile.
“Okay,” he says, giving up on the idea of refreshments. “Siwon, close the door. Heechul, bedroom.”
Heechul takes his gaze away from Siwon and looks at Hankyung, really looks at him. Things feel complete in a way they never have before and Hankyung realises just how much he's missed them.
“We have a leader back,” Heechul says, approvingly.
“About time.” Siwon agrees.
“I would like it to be known,” Heechul announces, “that I am not happy about this.”
He doesn't look happy about it, either. Siwon is spread out on the bed, every last muscle relaxed. Hankyung is spread across his upper thighs, his hands loose on Siwon's wrists against the mattress. Heechul is lying beside them, looking like a cat awaiting its turn at the cream.
“Shut up,” Siwon says. His hand is at the back of Hankyung's neck, rubbing in slow circles. Hankyung's hips are rolling in slow rotations, not enough to really frustrate but sufficient to prickle. He knows how Siwon likes it.
“He has no patience,” Hankyung says, in Mandarin.
“True,” Siwon says. “And he's inappropriate in public.”
“I heard about the kissing incident,” Hankyung says.
“Which one?”
Hankyung leans down so as to wrap his teeth around Siwon's earlobe. “The one where he kissed you onstage. I saw it in the gossip pages. Wound me up something bad. Why, has there been more than one?”
“I am ignoring this,” Heechul says. “Just so you know.”
“Henry,” Siwon says. Heechul's ears prick up immediately.
“You want to invite Henry into the bed now?” he says. “Just because I kissed him? Am I not enough for you? God. I don't know why I like you.”
“Freakishly large hands,” Hankyung suggests, as Siwon grins and, wriggling free, runs one of same down his spine, under his shirt.
“I hate you both,” Heechul says.
“I can't believe you kissed Henry,” Hankyung says.
“Oh,” Heechul says, understanding. “That, well.”
“Mm,” Hankyung says, as Siwon runs the other hand down his torso and palms it over the front of his sweatpants.
“It's how I express my affection,” Heechul says.
“Slut,” Siwon says, so sharp and unexpected that it makes Hankyung laugh right into his ear. Heechul tries to object to this but looks so overtly aroused that the effect is somewhat lost. Drawing back, Hankyung takes pity on him.
“Come here,” he says, reaching out a hand. Crossly, Heechul crawls across the bed.
“What do you want,” he says.
“To punish Siwon,” Hankyung says. “That wasn't very charitable, was it.”
“No,” Heechul says, brightening. “It wasn't. Can we punish him like a good Catholic?”
“No,” Siwon says. “Nothing about either of you is Catholic.”
“I've been doing my homework,” says Heechul.
“No,” Siwon says. “Not acceptable.”
Hankyung rolls back onto his heels, making the small of Siwon's back arch up, a sliver of breath escaping his mouth.
“I'm leader,” he says. “You'll do as I say.”
“You're not leader,” Siwon hisses. “Something about a contract termination a while back, if I recall correctly. Can't remember the exact details. I think you quit.”
Hankyung isn't just brushing but rubbing his hand over Siwon's jeans, his eyes narrowed with concentration and easy, easy feeling. Heechul watches it with a sense of quiet satisfaction.
“Don't be a smartass,” Hankyung says, switching back to Mandarin. “When in China, do as the-”
“I think that's Rome,” Siwon says. “Actually.”
“You'd know,” Heechul says.
“If you bring the Vatican into this, I swear I'll-”
“Heechul,” Hankyung says, swinging back and letting go, making Siwon grunt in pure frustration. “Here.”
He holds onto his hips as Heechul swings one leg over Siwon's thighs to sit in front of Hankyung. Hankyung is tall enough to be able to rest his chin on Heechul's shoulder, which he does, noting the look in Siwon's eyes with amusement.
“He doesn't like it when he's not in charge,” Hankyung says. “I learnt that in China, last time.”
Heechul looks down at the defiance in Siwon's face and reaches his hand out to touch him, only at the last minute drawing it back. “No,” he says.
“What?” Hankyung says.
“What?” Siwon says.
“Hankyung,” Heechul says, grabbing Hankyung's hands. He draws them around himself, wrapping his fingers around the base of his shirt. Hankyung cottons on quick, tugging upwards and exposing Heechul's hips, his stomach.
“Fuck. Off.” Siwon says.
At that, Hankyung runs his hands down Heechul's stomach, deft fingers finding the buttons on his jeans.
“Oh,” Siwon says.
“Co-signed,” Heechul says, tilting his head back so that Hankyung can get his lips at his mouth.
Hankyung kisses him, a world of everything returning as if it's never been away. His fingers work at undoing Heechul's jeans, feeling Siwon's entire body got taut underneath them both. He's never, never known anything like this. Not even standing on stage. Maybe he'll never know anything like it again.
When they break apart, Heechul looks down at Siwon with an expression of purest gloating. His hair is falling around his face, his mouth swollen from the twelve weeks of kissing he's trying to make up for. Hankyung's hands are pulling his jeans apart and he's an inch from making the kind of noise that makes Siwon's knees go weak. Hankyung supposes he has reason to be smug.
“Touch me,” Heechul hisses. It couldn't be more obvious from his voice that he's talking to Hankyung alone.
“Don't,” Siwon says.
“Sorry,” Hankyung says, rucking Heechul's jeans down further around his hips. He works a hand in there, stroking soft until Heechul bucks back against him.
“Took you fucking long enough,” he spits.
“If you wouldn't wear such fucking tight jeans,” Hankyung says.
“I'm still here, you know,” Siwon says.
“We know,” Heechul says. “Oh, fucking Christ, I've missed those hands.”
“Heechul,” Siwon warns.
“Siwon,” Heechul says, beginning to roll his hips back against Hankyung. “I swear, if you do that one more time, I won't hesitate to slap your fucking face. Shut the fuck up.”
Siwon is silent for approximately two minutes, which is some kind of world record, surely, when you have a Hankyung on you stroking a Heechul on you, and a Heechul making the kind of debauched noises they would've warned you about in church had they any real concept of sin.
“Oh God, there, there, there,” Heechul is saying. His eyes are still on Siwon, as if it's Siwon doing the work and not Hankyung – Hankyung who is biting his shoulder, almost as if to restrain himself. Whenever Siwon lifts his hands, unable to resist the temptation, Heechul slams them back down on the bed.
“I love that there're three of us here,” Siwon manages, “and he's the only one getting off.”
Heechul leans his head back, a glorious laugh in his throat. “I'm not,” he stutters. “He's like a teenager behind me. Or a dog with a leg.”
“Don't push your luck,” Hankyung grits out.
“Fuck this,” Siwon says, back to Mandarin. “Hankyung. Fuck this. Come on. We can overthrow him. I thought you were the, ah, fearless leader.”
“Huhhh,” Hankyung says.
“Hankyung,” Siwon hisses.
“What,” Hankyung says.
“Fearless leaders don't behave like dogs,” Siwon says. “Come on. Man up.”
Hankyung hesitates.
“Shut up,” Heechul says. “Don't stop. Don't. I'm so, I'm so-”
Siwon laughs, then. “Come on, Hankyung. Come on.”
Hankyung opens his eyes then, looks into Siwon's dark eyes and palms one hand down onto Heechul's shaking thighs. It would be so cruel. And yet, and yet.
The noise that Heechul makes when he stops is nothing short of furious.
“Alright, alright,” Hankyung says, trying to appease him with kisses on the back of his neck. It doesn't work. “Siwon, help me get his trousers off. He's not going to fucking co-operate now.”
“I hate you,” Heechul says. It's not at all clear from his voice who he's talking to.
Siwon snorts, reaching out to tackle Heechul's jeans and underwear as Hankyung lifts his shift clean off. “We hate you too,” he says.
“Heechul,” Hankyung says. “Want to get his shirt?”
“No,” Heechul says.
“I can fuck you with it on,” Siwon says. “Doesn't matter to me.”
Heechul just looks at him. “You're not fucking me,” he says.
“Oh well,” Hankyung says, stroking his naked hips. “Guess he's fucking me, then. You can go make tea.”
“I am never coming to China again,” Heechul says. “It makes you gang up on me.”
“As I recall, you profited quite nicely out of it last time,” Siwon says.
“That's beside the point,” Heechul says.
“Touch him,” Hankyung says. “He'll calm down if you touch him.”
“I will not,” Heechul says.
Siwon reaches out and takes Hankyung's fingers. Tangling their hands together, he touches Heechul with them and Heechul goes back on his own word. His head drops back a little, against Hankyung's chest. His hands move skittishly to Siwon's shirt and he yanks clumsily at it, not caring whether the buttons loosen or not. Siwon lets him, not even watching, just stroking him into heady submission.
“Don't make him come,” Hankyung says. “He's trying to make you.”
“Shut up,” Heechul says. “Bastard Chinaman.”
“Take your shirt off,” Siwon says to Hankyung, letting him let go. “And find the-”
“I know,” Hankyung says. “I'm prepared. I didn't invite you so we could drink tea.”
He moves back to undress, dragging Siwon's jeans with him as he goes. Heechul has to shift a little then, so he lies down across Siwon's chest and kisses the hollow of his throat, as if kissing away his own hunger. Siwon cradles the back of his head with one hand, the other stroking his spine. Hankyung watches the new dynamic as he undresses, trying to understand what the two of them are now without him. It doesn't hurt anymore.
“Siwon,” he says, passing him the lube.
It's an easy angle for Siwon to reach and as he does, Heechul huffs mewled breath against his throat. Hankyung watches approvingly as he reaches through the tangle with the condom, until Siwon tenses and shifts against him.
“It's like a pretzel,” he laughs, and Heechul begins to laugh, too. This is ridiculous, Hankyung thinks. Ridiculous and I love it.
“Sit up,” Hankyung says, swinging back across Siwon's knees. “Heechul, come on.”
“Heechul,” Siwon says.
“I thought we were supposed to be torturing you,” Heechul says, but he consents to sitting up so that Siwon can free his fingers. “Not me.”
“Oh, for God's sake,” Hankyung says. “Can somebody just fuck him, already.”
Siwon is stroking the line of Heechul's hip and palming his cock. It's thoroughly distracting and Hankyung's about to intervene when Heechul clears his throat, ragged and heated.
“Can't, can't, going to have to stop,” he says, finally taking control. He shifts further upwards onto Siwon's chest and with Hankyung's hands on his sides, he pushes down and back, harder than any of them were expecting.
“Fuck,” Siwon manages, though his breath seems determined to silence him. “Fuck, Heechul, warning please.”
“This is better,” Heechul says, a breathless laugh. “This is proper torture.”
Behind him, wrapping an arm around Heechul's hip to grab at his cock and an arm around Heechul's back to grasp his own – Hankyung is inclined to agree.
“You're not touching me,” Heechul says to Siwon. “You're not, you're not fucking – oh god.” He's starting to roll his hips in a slight dip, the exact rhythm he likes, falling into something practiced and true. “You're not. This is me, this is me and him – we're friends and you're a traitor, you're a traitor to Hankyung and, fuck, yes, there.”
Siwon looks as if he wants to laugh but absolutely can't. His hands are around Heechul's face, desperate to move but not daring to. Hankyung can feel his shoulders shaking through the muscles in his thighs. The restraint is trembling through him like the surface of water during an earthquake. Hankyung's not sure there isn't an earthquake happening – how the hell would he know?
Hankyung touches Heechul the way he knows Siwon would – wants to – rough and unforgiving. Heechul has had enough touching not to care that it's a bit too hard and Hankyung's had too little to care that it's a bit too painful. Stroking them both to Heechul's rhythm - not the one he normally goes for but here it's perfect - he knows that every nerve tingling is one of Heechul's too. He wraps his teeth back around Heechul's shoulder, growling each and every breath.
“Oh, please,” he says and Heechul laughs, not understanding the words but knowing their meaning, regardless.
“You territorial bastard,” Heechul says. “You want to come up my back-”
“You want him to,” Siwon hisses. “You can't talk.”
Hankyung doesn't know what Heechul does to warrant such a hard intake of breath, then, but Siwon doesn't say anything more. His hand moves from the left side of Heechul's face, though, down to his cock. His fingers entangle with Hankyung's, harder than ever.
“Come on,” he says, to Hankyung. “We're going to make him-”
“No, no, fuck,” Heechul stutters. “A bit more, a bit more-”
“One minute he's asking to come, the next minute he's asking not to,” Hankyung manages. “I'm confused. Are you confused.”
“Very confused,” Siwon says. “Mixed messages and all.”
“Fuck you,” Heechul says. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck-”
And so Siwon pulls the other hand from Heechul's face and grabs one side of his hip. He's able to shift his knees a little so that the angle changes, just slightly, but enough. Hankyung moves with it, tightly pressed against Heechul's back, so close that he can barely move his hand but so close that he hardly needs to. Heechul goes completely rigid with shock, begins to mutter something that sounds suspiciously like cunt and then makes a noise that darts through Hankyung's brain like fire, connecting all of his memories together like sparks.
And it's enough, plenty enough. He lets Siwon take over, lets him stroke Heechul clean as his own mind blanks out and pleasure drowns his nervous system.
When he comes to, Heechul is lying across Siwon's chest as if he's finally come good on his frequent threats to die of sex. He wants to join him but figures it'd hardly be polite, so he manages somehow to wrench his legs into the freedom of the bed space beside them. Siwon's eyes are closed and his arms are on Heechul's back more through comfort than affection, though it looks contented.
“You know,” Heechul says, his throat raw. “I think I'll quit, too.”
They head from there to the concert and Siwon's never felt less capable of singing asexual songs about happiness and girls. Heechul is suspiciously quiet and doesn't rise to Eeteuk's teasing as he normally would. All the others have questions about Hankyung, which Siwon has to answer because Heechul's too, well, fucked.
Problem is, they barely got to talk so Siwon has to make up answers and hope that it doesn't come undone on him. In truth, he's never felt less Catholic, either.
The venue is packed when they arrive and it occurs to Siwon only briefly that this is the first time the band has come to China since Hankyung's departure. It seems kind of strange that for the fans, this is a goodbye. For he and Heechul, it's a new start.
When he'd left Hankyung, he'd said only “you did the right thing. I understand.” And now, finally, he does.
Siwon knows that Zhou Mi is a little intimidated by him. They've worked together for ages, but Zhou Mi still has the kind of nerves that Hankyung had when he first joined. Normally, it's better when he's in his own country, same as it is for Hankyung.
Only the crowd has other ideas.
The first time they start shouting Hankyung's name, Siwon looks across at Heechul. He's working his lip between his teeth. They're hardened to this now. They're Super Junior. They understand the deal. The line-up changes, the fans get angry. Polite press conferences and interviews, toeing the line, hoping for acceptance.
This is a career. This is our identity – the fans give us so much. You can't just abandon them. You can't treat them like that. It's not just a band.
Eeteuk reaches across and touches Siwon's arm, trying to remind him of that. He's the leader, not Hankyung. He calls the shots. This is just their life. This is just what they have to do, until Hankyung's loss isn't so keenly felt.
He looks at Heechul again and he thinks, fuck that.
He grabs the microphone and opens his mouth to speak.
no subject
no subject
no subject
just a-freaking-mazing bb. keep up the great work
no subject
no subject
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. FIRST BECAUSE IT'S SIHANCHUL AND ALSO BECAUSE IT FEELS SO REAL. AND I LOVE HOW YOU INCORPORATE ALL THE REAL LIFE SITUATIONS. ESPECIALLY THE LAWSUIT, HEECHUL AND SIWON'S REACTION IS JUST PERFECT. I was so conflicted over how i feel towards the whole thing but somehow after reading this fic, it makes me feel a lot better. AND THEN THE SEX. MMMMMMM... SIHANCHUL SEX IS ALWAYS HOT.
“You know,” Heechul says, his throat raw. “I think I'll quit, too.” Lol, yes and drag Siwon with you too, Heechul and escape to China and go live with Hankyung. :DDDDDDd
Amazing, memming his for sure. ^^
♥
no subject
♥ ♥ ♥ aldfjsiejowjes ♥SiHanChul XD...
no subject
ALSO, LONGFIC. I love fics that are long and meaty like this, and it has so much depth sdfkjhjds. I could read it over and over again. Definitely memming. ♥
no subject