Suju Fic: "China In Your Hand" (Siwon/Hankyung/Heechul)

[hermiones]

Title: China In Your Hand
Pairing: Siwon/Hankyung/Heechul
Rating: NC-17
Summary: A fight over leadership becomes a fight over everything else. Thank you to peacock for the title.
Warnings: Rude language, porn, het.



Being in China with Hankyung is like getting to know him all over again. Siwon realises at long last that Hankyung's expression has always been limited by his vocabulary. That in Mandarin, the nuances come out, little reflections that Siwon has never noticed before. As his ability to understand improves, he notes the small inflections in Hankyung's voice as he talks about his family and his pride in his country. The words he chooses, carefully and deliberately, not because they're the only ones he knows.

There's a moment just before Hankyung bears the torch in the Olympics, when he and Siwon are talking about their families and their homes. Siwon has taken on the homesickness that Hankyung lives with in Korea and so he tries not to complain, but on one bad day it just seems to come out. Hankyung studies him for some time, time enough for Siwon to feel guiltier and guiltier, and when he finally speaks it's in Korean. That seems to make it worse and Siwon flaps a hand at him. “Mandarin,” he says. “I still need practice.”

And when Hankyung speaks of home and family he uses the word love, love in his mother tongue, held in the mouth so rich that it trembles. Whenever Siwon gets homesick, he thinks of that, of Hankyung getting to see his parents and stand up and be counted in his own country. He thinks of the word love pressing against Hankyung's lips.

Hankyung curses a lot more in Mandarin. He's ballsy or maybe he just seems it because the language is taut and fast. Siwon just about keeps up for the most part, but he's aware that Hankyung speeds up when he doesn't want him to understand. Without language barriers, without the hopeless self-consciousness that comes with being foreign, Hankyung is a different person. He speaks differently, he's open, he's confident. Slowly, he takes on new form in the leadership of their sub-unit. When Siwon talks to Heechul on the 'phone, Heechul refuses to believe it. Talks about overthrowing dictators and complains that he wasn't put in Super Junior M along with them.

When he closes his eyes at night, Siwon can hear Hankyung's voice. Not slow over the curves of the words, not teaching, not trying to help his bandmates with the language. Fast, staccato, almost arrogant. As much Siwon's teacher as his rival. As much trying to guide him as trying to exclude him.

Sometimes Siwon uses his ineptitude to chat up women. Women Hankyung has his eye on.

He can't understand that, and perhaps he doesn't want to.



It comes to a head when Hankyung is invited to a party hosted by an old school friend. Siwon is there to hear the 'phone call, the casual tossing around of insults. He hears a crude word for boyband, Hankyung's indignant laugh. Hankyung asks if Meiying will be there, Meiying said in a purr that really isn't subtle. The laugh turns breathless with his friend's reply.

Siwon invites himself along. Language practice, he says. And they haven't been out together in ages. Hankyung's eyes are sharp when he says “sure, okay”, his shoulders shrug but hard, firm.

Siwon promises himself he'll stay out of it. China's a big country and there are so many people, so much space, so much sky. Only when he and Hankyung are both under it they seem to be wrestling to step on the same paving stones, to breathe the same air, to date the same women, all just the same the same the same.


“Did you ever feel,” Siwon says, choosing his words carefully. He isn't used to conversing in Korean anymore. To having a wide range of word-landmines to navigate around. “Competitive,” he chooses. “About Hankyung?”

“Huh?” Heechul says. He's playing a game in the background, something zany and noisy. “Competitive? No. He's tiny. He's like a little kid who can't read yet. In a nice way. He'd make a good servant.”

“Heechul,” Siwon reprimands.

“He would,” Heechul insists. “He's very earnest and hard-working. And he doesn't mind being insulted.”

“He's different here,” Siwon says. “You should see him. He's different.”

“No, he's not,” Heechul says. “You are. You're on your back foot, same as he is over here. Nobody's changed. It's just dynamics, it's just confidence. He's the same Hankyung.”

“He makes me flirt with women he likes,” Siwon admits.

There's a pause. “Why?” Heechul asks.

“I don't know,” Siwon says. “I really don't. It's like I want to be there alongside him. He's so confident here. And it makes me want to fight with him. It's not who I am, it's not...good, is it?”

“Well,” Heechul says. “I think it's very cruel of you to pick on him.”

“I'm not picking on him,” Siwon says. “And you can just as well talk – you're always picking on him!”

“I do that with love,” Heechul sniffs. “Not testosterone macho pride crap.”

“It is not testosterone,” Siwon says, indignantly. “Or macho. Or crap.”

“Whatever,” Heechul says. “Look, I gotta go, Heebum's toenails need painting.”

“Thank you so much,” Siwon says. “You've been very helpful.”

“I think you're hotter than Hankyung,” Heechul says. “If you want to steal his girlfriends then you're in with a good shot. My money's on you. Always on you.”

Siwon knows that it's wrong. Wrong because it's lust, and gambling, and listening to the slippery talk of the devil, but. As he hangs up, a small part of him feels terrifically macho. And proud.



“Meiying is going to be there,” Hankyung says. His Korean is awkward, stale – worse than Siwon's. His tenses are all over the place. Heechul frowns.

“Which one is Meiying again?” he says.

“Heechul!” Hankyung says. “I haven't had that many!”

“Is Meiying the one with the scary father?”

“No,” Hankyung says. “That's Lai Xiu Ching. Meiying is the one with four sisters.”

“Oh,” Heechul says. “Oh, that one-”

“Shut up,” Hankyung says. “Just shut up. I love her. She went to school with me and she was so beautiful. Everybody loved her.”

“Literally?” Heechul says. “That sounds like a popular destination, then-”

“Heechul,” Hankyung says.

“Alright, alright,” Heechul says. “God, I thought going home would make you less uptight.”

“I am less uptight,” Hankyung says. “You're just more annoying. It's canceling me out.”

“I am alone,” Heechul says. “You and Siwon have abandoned me. If I am cruel, it is but loneliness. My best friends have gone. I have only Kangin for company.”

“There's nothing wrong with Kangin,” Hankyung says.

“That's what you think,” Heechul says.

“Look, just, I need advice.”

“About girls?” Heechul says. “You picked me for advice about women?”

“I tried Eeteuk,” Hankyung admits. “He was out.”

“Oh,” Heechul says. “I see how it is.”

“I like your style, though!” Hankyung adds. “You're always honest and that seems to work with girls. I think you're very popular. And skillful. You could teach me, wise one.”

“You definitely haven't changed,” Heechul says.

“What?” Hankyung says.

“Siwon thinks you've become this muscle man,” Heechul says. “This fearless leader. He finds you intimidating. I think you're still a kitten. Oh, did I mention I've got a kitten?”

“What?” Hankyung says. “Wait, what?”

“I've got a kitten,” Heechul says.

“No, I heard that. I'm not a kitten. Siwon thinks I'm fearless?”

“Eh, something like that,” Heechul says. “I think his Korean is appalling, he might've said something else. Anyway, I think you shouldn't worry about it. You're tons more attractive than him. I'm sure he's very intimidated by you – why wouldn't he be?”

“Heh,” Hankyung says. “Well. Thanks. That's – yeah. I appreciate that.”

“Anytime,” Heechul says. “Now give me a compliment.”

“Uh,” Hankyung says. “Uhhhhh-”



As soon as Siwon arrives, he knows that it's a mistake. Hankyung is wearing the shirt, the lucky shirt, the one that's black and undone to the- yeah. He feels tall and awkward and incongruous, even with Heechul's bolstering. As they walk in he takes the beer that's offered to him and leans in to Hankyung's ear.

“Don't leave me,” he says.

Hankyung laughs. “Sure? There're plenty of girls here. I'm sure you'll be just fine.”

Siwon glares at him around the bottle, trying not to let his eyes wander. Hankyung's collarbone is two thick lines, hard and glistening between black fabric. He's tilting a beer bottle to his mouth and his eyes aren't on Siwon, but somewhere over his shoulder. Prickling on his back, Siwon can almost feel Meiying's eyes. Hankyung's gaze is tight.

“I'll, er,” Siwon says. “Um.”

Hankyung isn't listening.



He talks to a range of people, most of whom are very kind about his Mandarin and impressed at his dedication to the language. The girls are typically kinder than the guys and talk in slow, sultry sentences that make his hair stand on end. One of them keeps winding her fingers around his bicep as she talks, more distracting than anything.

“Teach me some Korean,” she says.

“Ah,” he says. His eyes search the room for Hankyung, nowhere to be seen. “What do you want to know?”

“Mmmm,” she says. “What about...you are so gorgeous?”

He has to stifle the urge to laugh, something that's nothing to do with her, something that'd be so unkind he can't stand it. And she is gorgeous; her face round and her lips all pink, her eyes earnest. Only a part of him wants something more, something he can't quite define. Something almost rougher. If she's the moon he wants the reflection of the moon, the disturbed water beneath.

“You,” he says, slowly. “Are so gorgeous.”

She beams, wildly, and as the words leave his mouth Hankyung slips out of the crowd.



“What happened?” Siwon says, squeezing down between two guys wrestling over a Wiimote. The music is so loud that it rattles in his ears and he's had, he's not sure how many beers. Hankyung looks about as drunk as he is – he keeps darting his eyes around the room.

“Nothing,” Hankyung says.

“You don't wanna talk about it?”

“Ah, no,” Hankyung says. “I mean, nothing. Nothing happened. I chickened out. She's too – God. I was infatuated with her at school. And I can't decide whether it'd be worse if she told me to get lost or if she was interested. I won't know why she wants to go with me, if she does, will I?”

“We can't know that,” Siwon says, nodding. “She doesn't look like the boyband type.”

“Hm,” Hankyung says. He cradles his beer to his chest, watching Meiying. Siwon watches him, watching her. She is beautiful. Unusual. Tallish with curves. Big dark eyes. Hankyung looks at her as though she's steak. As though she's paradise. Siwon can see the attraction. Unfortunately.

“God, I can't,” Hankyung continues. “Look at her. I can't.”

“I thought you were the fearless leader,” Siwon laughs, and for a second Hankyung gives him a strange look, or maybe he imagines it.

“Not with her,” Hankyung says. “To her, I was the annoying kid who became a...ballet dancer. Oh God. I can't. Look at her.”

“You'll be fine!” Siwon says. “She's not that good-looking-”

“You think so?” Hankyung says. “She scares the life out of me.”

“Of course not,” Siwon says. “You have every chance! You're Hankyung. You're great. She's not scary.”

Suddenly, Hankyung is clutching his hands. “You go talk to her,” he begs. “You're not afraid of her. Find out if she's seeing anyone. I can't take the rejection. Please?”

“Uh,” Siwon says. “Don't you think it'd-”

“No,” Hankyung is saying, over and over. “It's genius. Please? I'll do it for you, in Korea.”

“In Korea,” Siwon says. “I am manly enough to do this myself.”

Hankyung laughs, but it's the alcohol and the desperation. “Please,” he says. “Please please please. I'll owe you one. You can be leader for a day.”

“Oh, alright, alright,” Siwon says, rising unsteadily to his feet. Swallowing down his nerves, he tries to tell himself that it'll be easy. That he doesn't think Meiying is gorgeous. That he isn't thinking about Hankyung screwing her – the clean arch of his back, his toes stretching as he comes. That he isn't- he bangs his leg into the coffee table, and Meiying looks up sharply.



“Hi,” he says, as smooth as he can make it whilst simultaneously cringing over the ache in his kneecap.

“Hi,” she says, cool as anything. It's up to him to make conversation. And it's up to him for it to be good. In his back, Hankyung's eyes are boring into him. He wishes he'd never come.

“My Mandarin is not very good,” he says. “I am from Korea.”

“Is your Mandarin as bad as Hangeng's Korean?” she says, with a smile.

“Ah,” he says. “You follow the band?”

“A bit,” she says. “My younger sisters love you.”

“Oh,” Siwon says, feeling a bit deflated. “Hankyung's Korean is much better than my Mandarin.” He feels a strange need for loyalty, even though Meiying's eyes are huge and dark and her lips. God, her lips.

“Oh,” she says. “I'm sure that's not so.”

Her lips are purring.

“Ah,” he says. “Well. I try.”

“I'll teach you a word, if you like,” she says.

“Okay,” he says.

“Cherry,” she says, leaning in so that nobody else can hear.

“Cherry,” he repeats.

“As in the fruit,” she says.

“Oh,” he says. “Oh, right, yes. Er. I like cherries.”

“Me too,” she says, with a smirk.

Fuck, he thinks.

“Er,” he says. “Are you seeing anyone?”

“No,” she says, smoothly. “I'm glad you asked that. Let's get a drink.”



They drink. Hankyung is a fuzzy afterthought in Siwon's brain. He knows that it's wrong, he knows, but a terrible part of him wants to pursue Meiying and pursue her. Wants to taste what Hankyung wants, want to run his hands down her hips, wants to smudge his lips with her dark pink mouth They drink and drink.

“You looked nervous when you walked in,” she says. “That's what I liked about you. Your skittishness.”

“I'm not skittish,” Siwon says, affronted.

“You were when you walked in,” she says. “It's okay. Understandable. I found it attractive. I like a guy with big bambi eyes.”

He can't decide whether or not to be offended, so he chooses silence.

“I'm glad you approached me, though,” she adds. “Shows confidence.”

“Well,” he says. “It wasn't really-”

“Oh,” she says. “Modest, too?”

A pang of guilt hits Siwon, suddenly. This wasn't the way things were supposed to work out. He thinks about Hankyung, left on his own, having to watch this. How he'd feel. Hankyung's probably not even here anymore. Suddenly panicked, he looks around. When he sees Hankyung approaching them, he guesses at how guilty he probably looks.

“Hey,” Hankyung says, in a gritted tone. “I'm off.”

“No, look,” Siwon says. “Stay.”

“No,” Hankyung says, in pointed Korean. “You enjoy your evening.”

“I didn't mean for this to-” Siwon says. “I don't know how it-”

“Hangeng,” Meiying says, lightly. He turns to her as though her voice controls his head, his neck, his body. Perhaps it does. “Do you want to join us?”

He looks at her for the longest time and then he starts to smile and his shoulders relax. He squeezes down between them and she strokes a hand over his knee as she grabs him a beer. Siwon looks at him.

“I'm sorry,” he says.

“S'fine,” Hankyung says, looking at Meiying's hand. “If you feel like developing a headache, though? Feel free to go ahead.”



They drink. Siwon ends up leaning on Hankyung because he'd had too much about two hours ago and Meiying looks more and more beautiful with every beer and looking at her makes his head spin. And Hankyung is warm and tough and somebody has a hand on somebody's knee. Lots of hands on lots of knees, he thinks, and he can't really say much more than that with any authority. Meiying has a laugh like melted butter. Legs like cream. Hair like licorice but he probably won't say that.

Then, suddenly, he realises that Meiying has a hand on each of their knees.

“Huh,” he says. “Are you comparing? I have stronger knees than Hankyung.”

“Do you hell,” Hankyung growls. “You have knees like a horse, Horse. Spindly.”

“Mm,” Meiying says. “Competitive, hmm? I like that.”

Siwon ignores her. “Spindly?” he says, outraged. “They are not. Have you felt my calves?”

Decisively, he grabs Hankyung's hand and wraps it around his calf, flexing it for good measure. Hankyung narrows his eyes as if he's pretending not to be impressed.

“That's nothing,” Hankyung says. “Feel my calves.”

He takes Siwon's hand and touches his own leg with it and for a moment there's an icy feeling in Siwon's blood. One of cold electricity, one of something he can't understand. Hankyung's calf is tight, taut, powerful. Meiying sits and watches, crossing one leg over the other. Her shoes are dark pink to match her mouth.

“I have an idea,” she says.



They end up in somebody's bedroom, somebody's untidy unkempt bedroom and Siwon thinks he should have left hours ago. Meiying is on her knees amidst the rubble. She's taken her shoes off and she's wearing a hole in the knee of her tights. She undoes Hankyung, first. They're side by side at first and then slowly they turn to face each other as she delves a hand in Hankyung's trousers. Siwon doesn't know how he ended up here, of all places. Where they're going to go from here. But it's been a long time, too long, and, well. It'd be rude not to.

Hankyung sucks in breath at the first touch. His eyes close and there's a crinkle of force in the corners. His lips part and he licks them, self-conscious, flushed. Somehow below, Meiying laughs. Siwon waits. He thought he'd be impatient but he isn't. Not much. He tries to think about Meiying's lips parting around Hankyung, the way she tosses her hair out of the way, the way she'd moan around it, but he can't. All he can look at, all he can think about is the way Hankyung's jaw is stiffening and his breath is thudding and his hands are curling to fists.

When Meiying moves to him the first touch kicks him in the gut and he moans, which seems to amuse Hankyung, whose lips curl to a smirk. There's grit in it, impatience – he doesn't like waiting. Doesn't want to fight but hates waiting. Siwon squeezes his eyes tight because if he looks at Hankyung he'll embarrass himself, but in his head all he can see is the smirk and the ragged look in his eyes. When he opens them, Hankyung's expression is hard and raw. Incomprehensible. Meiying looks up at them both, loosens her grip on Siwon. Slides them together and into her mouth.

Hankyung jolts forward and his hands grip Siwon's biceps. Siwon steels himself against Hankyung and the look at passes between them is ironclad.

They watch each other unravel in beats of eyes closing and opening, in beats of breath puffing and tightening. They listen to each other in waves of moans and grunts and “fuck, yes”es until Hankyung's voice is like bullets and he comes, first. And Siwon watches every inch of his face crumble until it burns a fire in his stomach, until it makes him come, too.



They go out for dinner a few days later. Enough time for Siwon to have had three dreams, gradually more and more obscene. In the first, Meiying took centre stage. In Hankyung's lap first, then his own. By the third, Meiying wasn't there at all. Hankyung had been in Siwon's lap and his body had unraveled and his arms had fallen around Siwon's neck like wet string.

Conversation is stilted. They haven't talked about the incident since. They both woke up the day after, separately but with matching hangovers. Siwon doesn't want to admit to the dreams, either to himself or to Hankyung. He's frightened of what'll happen if he does. He's frightened both that Hankyung will want to do it, and that he won't. He can't decide which is the most scary.

“The zongzi is good here,” Hankyung says, his tone relaxed, his Mandarin soft. He doesn't seem particularly intimidated. Siwon wishes he felt that comfortable.

“Ah,” he says. “I'll have some, then.”

Hankyung nods, nonchalant. Siwon feels that his palms are sweating. He wants to say something but can't bring himself to open his mouth. Hankyung sits with the air of somebody who has done this before, though he can't have. The confidence is infuriating. With a nod of his head, he brings over the waitress. Siwon watches him smile at her, wide and faintly flirtatious. She smiles back, tucks her hair behind her ear.

“Have you decided?” she asks.

Hankyung leans in close, holding his menu. He points to things and as she writes his eyes flick between her face and her breasts, not even discreetly. Siwon kicks him under the table and he only grins. When she glances at Hankyung, his smile is predatory. She blushes. Siwon hates him and her and everything.

“I might give her my number,” Hankyung says, when she leaves.

Siwon makes a face. “I think you've had enough,” he says, bitchier than he intended, only Hankyung doesn't seem to take offence.

“That's what Heechul said,” he says, lightly. “I haven't been that bad.”

“Hmm,” Siwon says. “We're supposed to be working.”

“I'd be careful with that moral high ground,” Hankyung grins. “We climbed up the hill together, didn't we? You're not the only one with that view.”

Siwon opens his mouth and closes it. “Well,” he says. “I didn't mean to be-”

Hankyung laughs, his eyes full of it, beautiful, ever so beautiful. Siwon feels distinctly uncomfortable.

“I know,” Hankyung says. “I just mean you need to relax. We can have fun, too.”

“Huh,” Siwon says. “Fun.”

“You didn't think it was fun?” Hankyung says. Siwon wants to check he's referring to what he thinks he is but he doesn't need to. The darkness in Hankyung's eyes tells him all he needs to know. Dangerous question. A lethal choice of answers.

“It was fun,” he manages. “Feels a bit weird now, though.”

“Mm,” Hankyung says. “A bit.”

He doesn't elaborate and things seem edgier, so Siwon decides to speak.

“I enjoyed it,” he says. “I just. I'm not sure it should happen again.”

He hadn't realised that he'd decided that until he said it. Even hearing himself say it, he's not sure it's the right decision. A part of him is kneejerk, is determined to protect him from himself. Only he's not sure he wants it to anymore. Looking at Hankyung with his dark eyes and his blasé little face, he's not sure he wants to do anything except act out his dreams.

Hankyung nods, slowly. If he's disappointed, his face doesn't give it away. If he's elated, it doesn't show in his eyes.

“Okay,” he says. “I think that makes sense.”

Stung, Siwon feels awkward and irritated with himself. Of course Hankyung would fold – Siwon is the one with the rigid sense of morality, with the guilt complex. Hankyung would defer to Siwon's decisions without a second's pause. No matter how competitive they get, Hankyung remains respectful at all times. It's what separates him from Heechul. Siwon struggles to justify his decision, his own stupidity.

“It's just,” he says. “I don't know how to process it, and it'll make work difficult...”

“I understand,” Hankyung says. His tone isn't cold, isn't warm. Professional, only they're not professionals, they're friends. They could be more. Siwon thinks about Hankyung's hands curled around his biceps and his breath thick with ragged moaning. They could be so much more.

“Well,” Siwon says. “Thank you for understanding.”

“Any time,” Hankyung says. “I'm glad we did it. That we can still talk. I'm sorry if you are uncomfortable about it.”

He says this in Korean and it sounds stilted. Other-worldly. A long time ago when Siwon, Hankyung and Heechul would lie under the covers and tease Hankyung about his Korean. The way Heechul's body would wriggle when he laughed and the way Hankyung would press him against Siwon to tickle him. A long time ago.

“I'm not uncomfortable,” Siwon says, in Mandarin. I just wish I could be braver.

“Good,” Hankyung says.

The waitress returns with their food. Hankyung's eyes turn back to her and Siwon can see hunger in them. Hunger that isn't about food at all. Hunger that isn't about her.

Something kicks him in the gut. Something puts a hand in his trousers and squeezes. Something seems to explode behind his eyes and when he forces it back, forces it away, all he can see is Hankyung shaking around him and Heechul's dark inquisitive gaze.



They take part in a television show the next day, ironically titled Bravely Going Forward. Having dreamt about unspeakable things, Siwon wakes up feeling Cowardly Going Backwards but he doesn't say anything. Hankyung asks him in clipped Mandarin if he's alright and he just nods, wanting to be in his own world where Heechul isn't draped naked over Hankyung and whispering in his ear.

The show is what can only be described as involuntary masochism, as is SM's forte, and Siwon can't bring himself to be sad about it. He feels by now something of a master at it. That and the sky is clear and the fresh air is good and there's no dance studio, no Hankyung practicing his hip-revolving. The presenter is a chirpy girl who takes great interest in Siwon, which pisses Hankyung off and therefore is nothing but pleasing.

They take part in a tournament of various impossible tasks, a lot of which Siwon completes with ease and Hankyung doesn't. At one point, he's standing with his hands on his hips and his tongue in his cheek and Siwon forgets his own self-consciousness because of how finally he has this edge on him. Finally he's found the place where Hankyung has no answer. And as the presenter scuttles over to him, wraps her timid little hand around his arm and makes a delighted cooing noise, Siwon finds himself grinning at Hankyung.

Hankyung just glares at him.

He nearly drowns Henry that day, thinking about Hankyung's glare and the sharp line of his hips as he stands with them angrily jutting forward. He thinks about the look on Hankyung's face as the girls seem to flock to him. Hankyung they're used to. Siwon is new blood, tall and long-legged, skilled and attractively soaking wet. Carrying Henry through the lake, he's reminded of Heechul, who also likes piggy-backs.

“This doesn't mean you're the leader of the band,” Hankyung hisses, when the camera pans away to Donghae, who is falling over.

“Of course not,” Siwon says, mildly. “You did your best. That's all we can ask for.”

Hankyung glowers at him. “I never thought that you should be leader,” he says. “I just assumed you were thinking it. That's why I said it. Not because I was thinking it.”

“I understand,” Siwon says. “Inferiority is a difficult emotion.”

Hankyung gives him a hard shove and laughs until he's doubled over. Despite himself, Siwon laughs, too. From that moment, the tension disappears.



Over the next fortnight, Siwon stops dreaming about Hankyung and things begin to return to normal. They're still competitive but Siwon stops flirting with women and concentrates on the band, on practicing his Mandarin. He's aware that Hankyung still flirts, he's aware that sometimes he brings girls back to the hotel, but he does his best to block it all out. Sometimes he thinks about going home, about life after the band. Marriage and a family. It steadies him, makes him feel that however madcap his life is at the moment, calmer times are to come.

Calmer times seem a long way off when the others arrive for the SM Town concert. They're all busy when the boys arrive, fresh-faced and excited, so they don't get to meet them at the airport. Still, there's an obvious buzz in the Super Junior M camp at the prospect of everybody being back together again.

“I think Heechul will get lost,” Donghae says. “Anyone want to put a bet on it?”

“They'll have minders,” Siwon says. “Isn't the manager going to be there? He won't get lost.”

“He might,” Zhou Mi says. “He'll see something pretty and he'll wander off...”

Everybody looks at Hankyung for his opinion. Hankyung just laughs and says, “I think he's more likely to get arrested than lost. Worry about that.”



They turn up a few hours later, back at the hotel. Siwon comes out of his room to unabashed noise, hugging and brandishing of duty free bags. Heechul has brought presents of dubious origin. Hankyung is distributing Olympic mascots to everybody. Kangin is hitting people on the head with a stuffed flower he bought at the airport. Eeteuk is tolerating being hit.

Home.

“Hey,” Siwon says. “That behaviour might be tolerated in Korea but in China, we're professionals.”

“God,” Heechul says. “Your Korean is awful. You sound like you've been in an accident.”

Kangin hits him.

“Haven't you learnt your lesson?” Eeteuk says. “About hitting people?”

“What,” Siwon asks, not wanting to know. Hankyung's expression is one of frowning concern.

“Nothing,” Kangin says.

“Kangin,” Hankyung says. “What have you done?”

“See,” Heechul says. “I told you there was something wrong with him.”

Kangin hits him.

“Kangin,” Siwon says.

“I might've tried to hit Heechul on the plane,” Kangin says.

“And?” Heechul intones.

“Might'vehitastewardessinstead,” Kangin says.

“Shit,” Hankyung says.

“Yeah,” Kangin says. “So. Er. What's for dinner?”



The lights onstage are brighter than they've ever been before, Siwon thinks. The auditorium is bigger, the music is louder, the crowd more excited than any other before this. When he looks out, thousands upon thousands of lights are waving at once. Despite himself, he feels a warm hand clasping his heart and squeezing it. When he looks across at everybody else, they're sharing the warmth. They're smiling. The music is playing and they're dancing like it's the first show again, like they've gone back to the beginning. Like the world is new and clean and nothing will ever be the same again.

Like they're kids.

He takes hold of Hankyung's hand at the front of the stage, so bursting with pride at what they've all done. All the hard moments that have led to this, the best feeling in the world. Their music playing and the people all listening, all riding a wave of excitement and happiness and thousands of bright lights in the air. And Hankyung looks at him and knows, shares, because they don't need words to explain a moment like this. Language ceases to matter. Everything ceases to matter. And then, suddenly, Heechul squeezes in between them, wrapping an arm around each of their necks.

They stand like that for what feels like forever, three best friends on the edge of the world. Siwon passes a look across Heechul's body that Hankyung understands, too. Another moment they were connected through somebody else. Another moment of wanting to grab onto each other and not let go. Another moment in which they felt each other's warmth through another person's body. Heechul takes a long breath and Siwon breathes it out. Hankyung smiles as if he knows where this is going – Siwon smiles as if he doesn't.

And Heechul stands between them, clueless, his best friends, who he's missed so much. He stands and holds onto them as if he's not going back without them.



They sit on the floor in Hankyung's room and fail to drink, because they're high enough on adrenaline. Heechul isn't sleeping, instead bouncing around the room like Tigger on meth, Siwon watching wearily from the chair by the bed. Hankyung lies back on the bed and grabs Heechul as he skips past, dragging him down to his level, where tickling commences.

Siwon rolls his eyes.

“You're probably keeping everybody up,” he says, as Heechul clubs Hankyung in the chin with his elbow and Hankyung rolls over onto him.

“I don't care,” Hankyung says.

“Do you think any of them are sleeping?” Heechul says.

“Good point,” Siwon says. He watches the two of them tussling on the bed, not without thoughts of a certain nature. “You could quieten down a bit, though.”

Heechul lets out a scream and Siwon gives up.

“So,” Heechul says, after Hankyung collapses onto him. “What did I miss? What gossip? Hankyung, how did it go with you and Meiying?”

Hankyung exchanges a glance with Siwon and he knows he'd be lucky to get away with it without Heechul noticing. Of course, he doesn't.

“What?” Heechul says. “Fuck, Siwon, did you-”

“NO,” Siwon says. “And don't curse.”

“I will if I want to,” Heechul retorts. “You dirty bastard, stealing his Meiying!”

“I didn't steal anybody's Meiying!” Siwon splutters. “Hang on a second-”

“Actually, you kind of did,” Hankyung grins, lying comfortably across Heechul's stomach. “Being honest.”

“Dirty bastard!” Heechul says.

“Heechul, stop cursing,” Siwon says. “And listen to-”

“Not cursing isn't one of the ten commandments,” Heechul says. “Adultery, on the other hand-”

“Hang on!” Siwon explodes. “You said I had a good shot at stealing his girlfriends! That I was hotter than Hankyung!”

“What?” Hankyung says.

“I can explain,” Heechul says.

“He said the same to me!” Hankyung splutters, grabbing Heechul's ankle and tickling it. “Oh, you're tons more attractive than him, Hankyung!”

“I really can explain,” Heechul says.

Siwon makes his way to the bed, both amused and affronted at once. Grabbing Heechul's torso, he holds him up to Hankyung for maximum tickling, until Heechul is writhing back in his arms and gasping for breath. Until Hankyung looks up Heechul's body and into Siwon's eyes, carrying a current and shocking him with it. Heechul looks from one to the other, slowly.

“You shared her,” he says.

“We shared her,” Hankyung says, slowly, not taking his eyes away from Siwon.

“Hankyung,” Siwon reprimands.

“What,” Hankyung says. “He's not stupid.”

“Too right,” Heechul says. “What did you share her for, you stupid bastards?”

“Heechul-” Siwon says.

“She liked us both,” Hankyung says.

Heechul raises an eyebrow. “And you couldn't be bothered to fight over her? Neither of you felt like being a man?”

“We tried,” Hankyung said. “We were drunk.”

“So you shared her,” Heechul says. “Like you're sharing me.”

“Shut up,” Siwon says, darkly. “It wasn't like that.”

“What was it like?”

“Hot,” Hankyung supplies.

Heechul's grin widens.

“Now that's an honest answer,” he says.

“Oh, fuck,” Siwon says. “I thought we'd settled this.”

“Well,” Heechul says. “That's the problem with sharing a woman. She goes and you're left with this competition. No wonder you're both so uptight. You're drawing. Tying. You both want to win and you don't know how.”

“Can't we send him back to Korea?” Siwon says. Hankyung isn't listening to him. Only to Heechul. His eyes have moved from Siwon's eyes to Heechul's, and there's that hunger in them again.

“So,” Hankyung says. “How do we sort it out?”

“Simple,” Heechul shrugs. “Find another woman. Ask her to rate you both. Decide for once and for all which one of you is best. You should've asked Meiying but you're both idiots.”

“We didn't,” Siwon says. “Er. There wasn't any sex.”

“She had us both in her mouth,” Hankyung says.

“Lovely,” Heechul says. “That's not a threesome. God, you two are fucking hopeless.”

“HEECHUL-”

“Oh, shut up,” Heechul says. “I'm sure God swears. Anyway, look, you need to go the whole hog. And be rated. It's the only way to settle it.”

“Siwon wants to forget about it,” Hankyung says.

“No he doesn't,” Heechul says. “He just wants to think he does.”

“I am sending you back home,” Siwon says.

“You should share me,” Heechul says. “Objective. Impartial. I'll tell you for certain which of you is best.”

There is a long silence. Siwon considers that only Heechul could say something like that and make it seem even remotely normal. He's about to start laughing at the ridiculousness of it when he notices that Hankyung isn't laughing. Hankyung is looking at Heechul and then at Siwon, his eyes black and pleading. Siwon thinks about the dreams and the fantasies and the ball of courage he's going to need in his gut. He thinks about the family he'll have and the chaos he's attracted to, right now. He thinks and thinks and thinks until he can't, anymore. Until he finds himself reaching out and grabbing the back of Hankyung's skull, slamming a kiss onto his mouth that makes Heechul shake beneath them.



“Are you fucking done?” Heechul retorts, as eventually they break apart. Hankyung's hands are back around Siwon's biceps and his eyes are stuffed with lust. Siwon almost can't breathe.

“Sorry,” he says. “I've wanted to do that for ages.”

Hankyung grins, stupidly.

“Well,” Heechul says. “So far you're both on -50.”

Hankyung looks at him, then back at Siwon. “We're pissing him off,” he says.

“Hm,” Siwon says. “We could just do this ourselves. Maybe we don't need rating, after all.”

“True,” Heechul says. “You're bigger than Hankyung. Maybe I'll just say you're probably better and be done with it.”

And then, suddenly, as if by magic – Hankyung's lips are on Heechul's neck. Heechul lifts his hand to the back of Hankyung's skull, closes his eyes and smiles a wicked little smirk in Siwon's direction. Enraged, Siwon folds his arms, watches. His hair begins to stand on end at the sight of Hankyung's pink tongue curling around Heechul's jawline. And then Heechul's free hand extends, the finger crooking towards him.

“Come here,” he moans. “Please.”



Siwon kisses Heechul's lips as Hankyung kisses Heechul's neck. Siwon moans into Heechul's mouth and the sound rolls down his throat, a purr underneath Hankyung's teeth. Hankyung reaches out a hand and grabs Siwon's knee, as if he's holding on, as if he's afraid of falling. Siwon reaches down and moves it, deliberately, and from the grunt against his lips Heechul knows exactly what's going on.

They haven't discussed how they're going to do it. Somehow it's easier not to. Siwon's using all of the impulses he has to keep going, not to start thinking about things, analyzing them. Just to go with it. If he starts considering positions he'll freeze. Instead he focuses on the warm press of Hankyung's hand and the pleased grunts he makes as his fingers find hold. The way Heechul moans so thickly that Siwon isn't surprised, when he looks down, to find that Heechul's fingers are around Hankyung's wrist.

Hankyung takes charge, in the end. It seems only right, only fair – there are times, Siwon realises, that he just needs to be told what to do. Slowly, Hankyung wraps his hands around Heechul's tiny waist and turns him over onto his hands and knees.

“I see,” Heechul says, caustically. “I'm not being the filling in your-”

“Heechul,” Hankyung says. “You're finally going to be shut up, so you better make those last words good.”

“Sandwich,” Heechul finishes, obstinately.

“Siwon,” Hankyung says, gently. “He's going to need your trousers off.”

Siwon looks at Hankyung, his hands shaking. Where is the person who kissed Hankyung? The person who found the nerve to share Meiying? The person who's had all the long, torrid dreams? Hankyung leans over Heechul (who wriggles against him and makes him smack him for it) and slowly undoes the button on Siwon's jeans. He looks up at him, tantalizing, his tongue against his lips. And Siwon thinks of the word love.

“Come here,” he says, to Heechul. Heechul looks up at him, all doe-eyed and coy and irritated, a mixture only he could pull off. He holds back, tilting his jaw up in Siwon's hand, the picture of defiance. Hankyung snorts, behind him. Catches Siwon's eye with a look, that makes Siwon smile. By the time Heechul looks over his shoulder, it's gone.

Hankyung works Heechul's jeans down. Heechul can only be obstructive to one person at a time and so he picks up his knees and allows Hankyung to unclothe him, allows him to stroke a hand down his arched back. Hankyung watches Siwon as he touches Heechul, as Heechul's eyes start to lid with the pure, indecent pleasure of it. Siwon's nostrils flare. Something in his gut kicks up its heels and chokes him on the dust.

When Hankyung strokes a hand down the back of Heechul's thighs and ghosts his touch over Heechul's cock from underneath, Siwon has had enough.

“Come. Here,” he says, holding the underside of Heechul's chin in his hand. Heechul's eyes are narrowed, horny, and he moves forward with a whimper of compliance. And fuck, it's more than Meiying. It's better than Meiying. Siwon screws his eyes tight shut as Heechul takes him in his mouth with a satisfying amount of stretch, a pleasing amount of discomfort.

“Fuck,” he says, drawing out and stroking, quick, “Why did you give me him to suck off, Hannie? He's bigger than you – I'm choking over here.”

Hankyung looks at Heechul, then at Siwon. Siwon tries to keep the smirk off his face. Hankyung leans over Heechul's back, holding his face between his hands and guiding it back onto Siwon's cock. He's rewarded with a groan from both parties.

“Because, you spoilt princess,” he says. “If he's like that in your mouth, what would he be like in your ass?”

Siwon raises his eyebrows. He doesn't dare look at Heechul because the growl in Heechul's throat says it all.

“Fuck,” he says. “Do that. More. Please.”

“cuse m,” Heechul tries to say.

“He's great when he's pissed, isn't he,” Hankyung says. He's still leaning over Heechul, watching, digging his erection into Heechul's thigh. Heechul keeps trying to press back against it, pulling away from Siwon – but Hankyung's hand on his chin holds him still. Siwon thinks that he can almost feel Hankyung's fingers as he thrusts forward, Hankyung's fingers against Heechul's skin. The thought turns him on almost as much as Heechul's mouth.

Hankyung doesn't move for a long time. Siwon isn't sure what's going on but he's at the point where he doesn't want to question it, because Heechul's mouth is tight and hot and he's irritated because he can feel Hankyung hard behind him. He's thrusting harder, now, hard enough that Heechul's nails are digging into his thighs and his back, anywhere he can get hold, and Hankyung is just lying and watching, driving loose thrusts into Heechul's thigh.

As he's just there, eyes lidded, watching Hankyung pushing against Heechul and Heechul growling back, as he's right there, Hankyung pulls Heechul back altogether. The sound seems to flow from Siwon's ragged mouth to Heechul's, as both of them turn to Hankyung with considerable fury. Hankyung shrugs, but it's impatient. It isn't humourous. Neither is the hand that comes out and pushes Heechul down onto the bed.

“On your side,” he says. It's Mandarin, he no longer has the brain capacity for Korean. Heechul looks at him and then, desperately, at Siwon.

“Side,” Siwon translates. “Now.”

At the best of times, Heechul proves himself capable of obedience. He lies down on his side and when Hankyung slides down behind him he moans with a kind of relief, lifting his hip up to let Hankyung take hold of him, unkind strokes. Siwon watches for a moment, having forgotten that Heechul hasn't been touched apart from teasing, watching Heechul push back against Hankyung in pure thrusts of gluttony. He takes and takes and takes, not knowing when Hankyung's going to move away again, until his entire body is shaking and Hankyung's having to hold him still. Beckoning, Hankyung wants Siwon to shoulder the burden.

Siwon lies down, facing Heechul.

“Hold him,” Hankyung says. “He's so fucking horny I think he's going to pass out.”

Not without venom, Heechul reaches back and slaps Hankyung on the thigh. A moment passes and then Hankyung's hand is yanking Heechul's thighs apart.

“Look,” he hisses, to Siwon. “Look how fucking hard he is. We did that, didn't we, Heechul? Didn't we? You're so fucking horny, baby. Do you want him to touch you?”

Heechul nods, trying to find friction in Siwon's hip. He looks back at Hankyung and loops an arm over his shoulder, trying to kiss him, trying to-

Hankyung leans down, kisses him, hard and with a smack. “Then shut your pretty mouth,” he says. “And stop being such a princess. Siwon, touch him.”

“Excuse me,” Siwon says. “Who died and made you King? Touch him yourself.”

Hankyung looks at him. “What?” he says.

Heechul looks between them, in rapid succession. He doesn't understand the Mandarin but he knows exactly what they're fighting over. Siwon gently turns him over, pressing against his ass and facing him towards Hankyung. Hankyung raises an eyebrow.

“Oh, you think so, do you?”

Siwon smiles. “Do you remember when you made me go talk to Meiying for you?”

“Yes,” Hankyung says. “You did a great job.”

“Do you remember what you offered me?”

“No,” Hankyung says. He reaches out, strokes Heechul's chin. Heechul's eyes are probably pleading, Siwon can feel it.

“You said I could be leader for a day,” Siwon says.

Hankyung lies still, thinks. Then, his face crumples. “That is not what I meant,” he says.

“Too bad,” Siwon says. “I'm cashing in.”

There's a long moment of looking, of resolution – and Heechul leans forward, kisses Hankyung. Leans back, turns his head, kisses Siwon, so that Siwon can taste Hankyung. Without another word, Hankyung rifles in his desk drawer, hands Siwon supplies, takes Heechul's chin and kisses him, kisses him, kisses him.

When Siwon preps him, he kisses bubbles into Hankyung's throat. Little jerks, little moans, little stretches of pure, burning feeling. When he's wriggling back against Siwon's fingers, Hankyung's mouth is ragged and his voice is worse.

“Fuck, he's ready, he's ready,” he says.

“Heechul,” Siwon says. “Are you-”

“You're leader,” Heechul says, strained but amused. “You should decide.”

Siwon looks at Hankyung, full of need and biting his lip, and he nods, just once. He holds the back of Heechul's hips as Hankyung holds the front and presses them all together. Three bodies, infinite heat. They can feel each other through Heechul. Their eyes meet over him, through him. Heechul kisses Hankyung and kisses Siwon, carrying them both through. When Siwon pushes inside, Heechul moves forward against Hankyung, his hands between his legs so that Hankyung makes the sound Heechul should make. Heechul is quiet, reverent, and Siwon thinks about Hankyung, thinks about the crumbling of his face and the squeezing of his hands.

They begin to thrust together, all three of them. It takes a few minutes and a lot of patience but when they have it, it's better than anything they've ever known. Heechul swings his hips backwards and forwards between Siwon's cock and Hankyung's hand and Siwon can feel them, the flurry of activity as they get each other off. And he can feel Hankyung, shuddering against Heechul, movements he can feel through Heechul's body. Every time Hankyung pushes against Heechul, Heechul pushes back with a sharp cry.

He wraps an arm around Heechul's chest, catches Hankyung's hand as it moves through Heechul's hair. They hold onto each other as they press together, in a clumsy rhythm that's more about chasing than evening things out – all of them pushing against one another, finding the sweet spots, finding the touches that make all of them weak. Heechul's body is limp between them, saturated with pleasure and with multi-tasking, of having two worlds of feeling sailing around his head. He starts to stutter, his hand speeding up so that Hankyung begins to grunt, that suddenly familiar rapid thudding breath that Siwon remembers.

He squeezes Hankyung's hand and Hankyung squeezes back. And from somewhere, Heechul reaches up with his free hand and squeezes around them both. They come together, moreorless, two weak little bodies tussling up against one another. Hankyung's dulcet groaning against Heechul's fraught breathing. And as Heechul presses back against Siwon, the back of his hair all wet and sticking to Siwon's collarbone, the press of Hankyung against him and there, just there, groaning and crumpled and coming, Siwon allows the world to disappear for one or two or three explosive seconds.



Heechul is asleep quickly afterwards, exhausted and dripping. Hankyung and Siwon stay awake for longer, Heechul between them, too sated to move.

“He never rated us,” Siwon says, eventually.

“Fuck,” Hankyung says. “How do you even make your brain work? I don't get it. Mine's just going, hahahahahahahohgodyespleasehahahahahaha.”

Siwon shrugs, chuckling.

“I don't think he ever intended to rate us,” Hankyung says. “It was a ploy. He'd have said one thing to you and one to me.”

“Clearly,” Siwon says. “Neither of us need rating. Look what we did to him. We're both fantastic.”

Hankyung starts to laugh.

“Does it feel weird, for you?” Siwon says. “It doesn't, to me. Not anymore.”

“No,” Hankyung says, eventually. “Maybe it should.”

“Maybe,” Siwon says. “Worry about it tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Hankyung says. “I am the leader, so I will. My job to worry, after all.”

“You're welcome to it,” Siwon says. “When we go back to Korea, though? The position's mine.”

“Fine,” Hankyung says. “S'long as we can use this method of deciding.”



A few days later, Heechul approaches Eeteuk.

“I want to buy the leadership of Super Junior from you,” he says. “I can give you a stuffed flower, a policeman's hat or an Olympic mascot. Which do you want?”